Disclaimer: This post is half rant, half horny thoughts. Based on my real life dilemma.

There is this guy I utterly hate. He's a doctor, and I don't necessarily work for him but I work with him closely.

Background: I landed a job in the clinical research industry. Sobrang hirap ipaliwanag ng job ko but just think of it this way: I work and visit various hospitals and research centers (aka clinical trial sites) in different parts of the Philippines to make sure that these clinical trials are done appropriately as per the study procedures, and to ensure that the safety and well-being of our trial participants are protected. And it involves a lot of talking and coordinating with clinical research site leaders/principal investigators who are renowned doctors in the field.

These days, the studies assigned to me are mostly about COVID-19. Potential COVID-19 treatments (be it an infusion, pill, capsules, etc) or a new COVID-19 vaccine.

Now this DOCTOR in my COVID vaccine study. Let's call him Doc Kev. HINDI NYA ALAM ANG GINAGAWA NYA. Ever since day 1 duda talaga ako sa doctor na to. While most of my investigators are celebrated pulmonologists, he's an up and coming pediatrician with only 2 yrs of experience in clinical trials. And true enough, Kevin made my life a living hell for the past 8 months. They seldom follow the protocol. Nag enroll sila ng minor sa study na sobrang bawal. Sila nagsusulat sa nga documents na dapat si patient ang gagawa. BASTA MALI-MALI. Every time papunta na naman ako sa site nya for the week, naiiyak na lang ako. Gustong gusto ko na bitawan tong site na to, pero hindi pumapayag yung manager ko.

Itsura pa lang ni Doc wala na ako tiwala. He is too young to be a principal investigator. Maybe he's 33, or 35 lang siguro while yung mga batikan na PI ko mga senior citizen na madalas. He's a flat 6 footer, I guess. He's moreno with shiny hair and toned physique, with this tribal half sleeve tattoo na proud sya pero minsan mo lang makita sa mga doktor. I found him attractive the first time we met, think of younger and more rugged looking Romnick Sarmenta. However, natabunan lahat to ng malaking inis ko everytime may ginagawa syang mali. I hate na kailangan ko sya bantayan maigi kaya sa kanya nauubos yung oras ko. Isang narrative/document na hihingin ko, tatawag pa sya sa akin para magrequest ng Teams meeting, magpaturo at mag sharescreen pa ko sa kanya. Nakakahiya na kailangan ko magrequest lagi ng colleague na samahan ako sa site nya, kasi sobrang tambak yung trabaho and di ko na kaya mag isa.

Minsan dinadaan nya ako sa food. His site is somewhere down south (Visayas), and yung province nila has a lot of good seaside restaurants. After working hours sa hospital he would take me out for dinner together with the rest of his staff. Bilang wala din naman akong kakilala sa lugar nila, sumasama na lang din ako at least libre and masarap din yung food (oysters and gulaman yummm). Pero kahit madalas nya to gawin, hindi ko pa din magawang matuwa sa kanya.

Yung turning point happened last month, on my 7th month working with him. Bilang naresolve ko na lahat ng mali sa site na yon at naireklamo ko na lahat ng reklamo sa mga manager ko at may resolution na sa lahat, my most hated site IMPROVED drastically. From my weekly visits, naging every two weeks na kasi nabawasan na yung workload ko. Pero dahil hobby ko ang mainis kay Doc Kev, ayaw ko pa din sa kanya. Naiinis ako dahil ang bait bait nya masyado sa akin.

I hate how he gives me and forcefully feeds me pizza kahit sabihin kong diet ako. Dinadalhan nya ako lagi ng pagkain: donut, frappe, bento boxes, cakes, kahit na sabihin kong may meal allowance naman ako at kaya kong bumili ng pagkain ko. I hate the way he looks at me these days. Pag tinitingnan nya ako, para nya akong hinuhubaran. Hindi naman revealing yung suot ko. Mostly wide leg pants and sleeveless blouses, or semi formal dresses pero naka blazer naman ako. Minsan, nanghe-head to toe pa sya. There were times na sobrang in the zone ako nagwowork, then one random glance at him and mahuhuli ko syang nakatingin sa akin.

I hate the way he gets close to me. He works in his vaccine site, and I work 2 floors below him in a separate office. But I hate na ipinahakot nya lahat ng subject charts nya from the 4th floor to my office so magkatabi na kami ngayon ng table.

From time to time, may frequent staff dinner pa din na kasama ako, and I hate that I have to share a ride with him. I love being a passenger princess but damn. It's always 30 minutes na pure agony and awkward conversation.. subtle glances.. and last month sitting in the passenger seat of his Montero, I found myself feeling.. hot?? I f...