To Go or Not Go Out with Ex-Jowa

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Blog: Taglish · Categories: Non-Erotic · Tags: , , , , ,
Date: July 2, 2016 (2 years ago)


Hi everyone,

I just want to get your opinion of what to do when you're in this particular awkward situation:

I had an ex-bf which is married now and our break-up five years ago was not really that good. In short, there was no closure. We parted ways and cut the ties right away. * communications after that. So, I remain single but moved on already.

I've got two questions for both men and women:

1. What if you accidentally bumped with your former bf/gf in the mall then invite you to have coffee?

2. What if he/she's with the wife/husband, what will you do?

As for the first question, I would say yes to the coffee invitation with the hope of assessing myself kung okay na ba ako or hindi pa. It's my chance to challenge myself na I'm fine kahit walang closure because, basically, no closure is what happening in real life and sometimes, we should accept that and move on.

If my former partner is with the wife and he greeted me, I'd say hi or hello. Greetings lang naman 'yon and no need to be sour about it or iwas...

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Whatever you do, choose life. (Urbandub)

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perfectlyflawed
Status: Suspended

July 2, 2016 (2 years ago)

Dear Ace,

My 3 friends won't give a fuck. WangNi, wickd.witz and Aswang2K.

1st Question : Coffee ? What for ? Prelude to what and for whom and for what purpose? (open for whatever interpretation(s) )

2nd Question : Civility that's okay.  Kung may mangyayari after that (a simple gesture/hint/signs) ... I'd be on the opinion na you're both old enough to know what's next.

Your  Bro,
perfectlyflawed

I may be flawed but at least I'm perfectly flawed.

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candace
July 2, 2016 (2 years ago)

Thanks, Witz.

Whatever you do, choose life. (Urbandub)

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its_LIMITLESS
July 2, 2016 (2 years ago)

If he/she’s married its very unusually to invite an ex to have a coffee with his/her family around.

But if he/shes alone... Ok lng namn cguro, if alokin ako ni ex why not pero mag bbase yun if how storng i am or if totally move on nko. ksi if i still want her back medyo mahirap ksi mauuwi lng din sa wala lalo na my asawa na siya. pero mag kakaroon ng closure if mapag usapan nyo at to say goodbye na sa isat isa.

Ang hirap lang din ksi talaga ng break up (but still dpende ng uri ng break up huh) so yun :)

Death is certain. Time is not.

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candace
July 2, 2016 (2 years ago)

So, you're basing the decision partly sa emotion and how the break-up happened. Point taken, its_LIMITLESS. Thank you.

Whatever you do, choose life. (Urbandub)

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its_LIMITLESS
July 2, 2016 (2 years ago)

Oo. ksi if ako may galit ako sa ex ko, i wont waste time. But if shes happy, im happy simple chit chat and a coffee will do. Hnd namn ksi lahat need pa ng explaination sa relasyon eh.

Just follow your heart nalang. if you think mas magging ok yun just give it a try. minsan kailangan natin harapin ang nakaraan pra sa hinaharap. but pwd ring mag focus sa present pra sa future at kalimutan ang past.

Death is certain. Time is not.

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M
Mr.M
July 2, 2016 (2 years ago)

Common sense lang....Pag may nararamdaman na tila hindi maganda e  dapat IWASAN.

ISO certified DOM and ATC(Ako'y Talagang Cute!)

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candace
July 2, 2016 (2 years ago)

Thanks, Mr. M.

Whatever you do, choose life. (Urbandub)

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grounhog
July 2, 2016 (2 years ago)

I remember when my wife told me her ex high school bf suddenly sent her sa PM and asking for a meet up.  My wife asked permission from me if its ok to meet the guy since they never had closure coz after high school they lost contact.  
Its either im hoping that something more than meet and greet ok im just simply stupid.  I told her to go.  On that very night their affair started and lasted for a year.  
My point is if a married ex wants to meet up ...  They just wanna have sex.

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candace
July 3, 2016 (2 years ago)

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. :)

Whatever you do, choose life. (Urbandub)

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BellaVictoria
July 3, 2016 (2 years ago)

If coffee lang, as long as available ako I'd still go with him. Kahit siguro hindi maganda naging hiwalayan, I think may maganda rin naman kayo/kami na pinagsamahan na worth reconsidering for coffee. I'd be clear though, na ot would be best na iwasan na pagusapan ang past but more on catching up lang.

If kasama nya wife nya. Check ko muna if mas maganda sa akin. If oo, edi hi, hello, nice meeting you. But no coffee na. Dyahe naman. Pero if pangit, eh magpepretend ako na wala ako nakita. (But syempre this is just me being silly.) On a more serious note, I'll do the same thing. Maging mature and greet them and that's it. Keep moving forward :)

Follow me on Facebook: www (dot) facebook (dot) com/bellavictoria88/

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candace
July 3, 2016 (2 years ago)

"As long as available ako" means single ka or not busy with anything on that day?

I would have to agree dun sa sinabi mo na kahit di maganda yung hiwalayan eh you'll consider the coffee invitation. Good memories will do the trick, I guess. And yes, maturity talaga to greet him/her/them. Civil lang kumbaga.

Thanks for the comment, Bella. :) Virtual hug and kiss!

Whatever you do, choose life. (Urbandub)

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MidLifeCrisis
July 3, 2016 (2 years ago)

Hi Ace,

First question - Sasama ako for coffee kahit hindi ako nagkakape. At kahit nga hindi nya ako invite, ako hihila sa kanya and tell him we need to talk. Andami kong tanong that I don't even know where to begin. I know his answers (granting na sasagutin nya bawat tanong ko) wouldn't matter anymore, but I still want to hear his answers. Ang hirap kasi ng walang closure, yong tipong he left you hanging. Nakakababa ng self-esteem. Di mo alam saan ka ba nagkamali at bigla nalang "hindi na kayo magkaibigan." That feelings sucks. It leaves a hole in your being. (Humugot talaga ako :D)

Second question - If kasama nya gf/wife nya, ewan, di ko alam ano gagawin ko but for sure kakabahan ako but I'll smile and pretend that I have everything under control. Pero sana wag na mangyari yon. Di na baleng walang closure basta di ko nalang makitang may kasama sya tapos sweet sweetan sila. Pakulam ko sila 😂😭

And.I.Care.Not.

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candace
July 3, 2016 (2 years ago)

Lakas ng loob, ate! Ikaw na mag-aaya. Na-feel ko rin naman yung iniwan ka sa ere, badtrip. Tama, his/her answers wouldn't matter basta malaman lang yung mga sagot dun sa hangging questions. I was there a long time ago. Haha.

Naku, masakit ata makita ang ex na may bago na tapos sweet-sweetan pa. Ouch!

Thank you, Ate Mids! :)

Whatever you do, choose life. (Urbandub)

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Hmpslpa999
July 11, 2016 (2 years ago)

bagsik ng comment

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somebodyuused2know
July 3, 2016 (2 years ago)

Yung kaisa-isahan kong ex ended up marrying my niece, so naging kapamilya pa. First meeting, in fact, every meeting, talagang awkward. And while he calls all my sibling titos and titas, I never heard him call me.

Wala kaming closure. I left. Without as much as a single goodbye. Nung umalis ako yung pamangkin ko ang naging kaibigan niya. Same old story. Tinawagan lang ako ng niece ko noon. She said: "tita yung ex mo textmate ko na, malapit ko na maging sexmate, ok lang ba?" Lols. And that was it.

But there was this instance na umuwi ako ng undas at sa kanila ako natulog. Nagkataon, bakasyon niya sa barko, I had to catch the first trip to Manila, at siya ang nagdrive sa akin sa bus station. All thru out wala lang kaming kibuan, bago ako bumaba, I was thinking if I'd give him a peck on the cheeks, pero bandang huli, nagthank you na lang ako. He just nodded and said "ingat." Siguro, we were both not ready to talk about the past.

I'M A NICE PERSON. JUST DON'T PRESS THE BITCH BUTTON.

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candace
July 3, 2016 (2 years ago)

Hi Mommy! Well, may mga bagay siguro na hindi na dapat pag-usapan just like your case. Importante is naka-move on na and just make yourself busy with more serious stuff.

Thanks for dropping by, Mommy! Mwuah!

Whatever you do, choose life. (Urbandub)

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starst1949
July 3, 2016 (2 years ago)

Candace, for me,    single ka  or otherwise, i see no problem having coffee with your ex, regardless of the bitter parting.   I am sure you are both matured to handle the situation,  just  confine  the conversation to safe  ground like what Bella said.  Make it short and be the first to keave. Sige  na nice seeing you,  may pupuntahan pa ako...etc... No exchanging of numbers.

On number 2,   civility dictates to say hello when someone you know says  hello to you....ex or otherwise...  kasama man ang asawa o hindi.  Hello lang naman.  Bahala ang ex mo to handle his wife.  ..to explain to her...lalo na kung super selosa.   No coffee, it will be awkward. Unless you are a bitch at gusto mong ipamukha mo sa ex mo na di hamak  na mas maganda ka, mas sexy at mas smart ka kesa sa asawa niya.

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starst1949
July 3, 2016 (2 years ago)

At kung pangit yung wife niya. (baka hindi ka na batiin nun dahil nahihiya siya;  lol_)

   Just smile after saying hello,  and walk on  with a naughty ,     happy  thought ringing in your head  "  You got what you deserved.    Sweet revenge ...LOL

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candace
July 3, 2016 (2 years ago)

Natawanaman ako sa last comment, Sir Starst! Hahaha. Pang-bitch mode.

Yes, civility is the operative word. Don't be snob naman lalo kung kilala naman yung tao. Sign of maturity naman kasi ito for me. Conversation should always on the positive/cheerful side, and I agree with you and Bella.

Thanks, Sir Starst!

Whatever you do, choose life. (Urbandub)

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J
Jeck-69
July 3, 2016 (2 years ago)

Kailangan na acknowledge mo ang accidental na pagkikita. Go to have coffee with him/her dahil walang closure ang dating relationship. Be matured to face the truth and ask questions and then go on with life. My wife and her boyfriend did not have any closure on their three year relationship before we got married. If in case na magkita sila, I won't be offended if they talk para maisara ang kanilang pinagdaanan.

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candace
July 4, 2016 (2 years ago)

I think that's maturity on your part. Deserve rin naman ng wife mo ang closure na yun. Those things kasi na hindi na naayos after a relationship, they haunt you down from time to time. Mahirap din na maraming questions na hindi na nasagot unless someone with same situation will explain things. And I'm happy na you trust your wife to meet the former bf. After naman kasi nun, move forward na kayo pareho.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Jeck.

Whatever you do, choose life. (Urbandub)

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J
Jeck-69
July 4, 2016 (2 years ago)

I mentioned it to her several times and she said what for. I just told her that the past can't be undone so why not face it for the last time. Also, I am not pushing her to make the first move but in case in an accidental meeting, why not discuss and then let bygones be bygones. Life is ours to enjoy but some moments we have to face to end it.
Thanks for the reply. I do appreciate it.

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candace
July 4, 2016 (2 years ago)

Yes, sooner or later we really need to face moments like this diba. You can't just shrug it off without acknowledging it and its impact (good or bad) to your life/lives. Lastly, the best way to end that situation is to end it peacefully and then move forward with the lessons from the past.

Thanks too, Jeck.

Whatever you do, choose life. (Urbandub)

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candace
July 4, 2016 (2 years ago)

Whatever you do, choose life. (Urbandub)

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hardware21
July 4, 2016 (2 years ago)

if he's already married... that's the CLOSURE!!!

very hard.... be ware

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shobe.sheen
July 7, 2016 (2 years ago)

Achi!!!

Coffee w/ an ex? Why not. Lalo pa't you accidentally bumped into each other lang naman eh. No intent to see or any trace of stalking on both parties. It's nice to catch up and not harbor ill feelings lalo na pag malabo yung break up/walang closure.

But if he invites me to have coffee with him along with his wife? That's quite a stretch. The nerve! Haha but in such case, i'd politely decline the offer. However, for the sake of civility, i'd say hi to the wife and say that i'm running late for something important and then go straight to a botique to buy some clothes  😂

Imperfect understanding is often more dangerous than ignorance.

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candace
July 7, 2016 (2 years ago)

ShobeLove!

Same goes with me, yes for the coffee invitation. At oo nga, a simple hi and hello when you see him with the wife will do and then graceful exit na agad. :) After all, that's what matured people do. No harm done on that part. No need to be chummy chummy kasi. Mai-stress ka ba pag ganun? Bibili ka agad ng damit eh! Hahaha.

Whatever you do, choose life. (Urbandub)

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Hmpslpa999
July 11, 2016 (2 years ago)

wala naman break up na walng nasasaktan.... balance lng po sa logical reasoning and emotion... as for ano ang gagawin mo sa both scenario be calm handle it with grace and maturity mam

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inang.grasya
July 12, 2016 (2 years ago)

Candaceeeee....

Yung isang ex ko, sa court hearings kami nagkikita for 8 long years at hindi pa natatapos ang kaso till now. Gusto ko na nga suntukin pero baka sumigaw si Judge "order in the court" sabay declare  ng "contempt of court". Sa kulungan ako damputin. Lol

Seriously speaking, kapag sa labas ng korte kami nagkakasalubungan wala akong ginagawa kundi utusan ang anak ko na magmano sa ama nya. Bali-baligtarin man ang mundo sya pa rin ang tatay ng anak. Hindi mabubuo ang bata kung egg lang. Syempre kailangan ng sperm para mabuo ang baby. Kahit masakit ang penetration dahil virgin ako that time, naramdaman kong tunay akong babae. Hehehehe

Civil na lang kami sa isat isa. No more, no less.

Amazona kung tagurian pero malambing naman.

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