I Didn't Mean To Make You Mine

Posted in
Blog: Taglish · Categories: Non-Erotic · Tags: ,
Date: October 15, 2014 (3 years ago)


Honey, there are a lot of things I wanted to tell you but let me start by telling you how much I love you. I know it is crazy feeling this deep for you. I do not even know your name or even see your face but I love you, I really do.

A thousand times I asked why I allowed myself to fall for you. I tried hard not feel anything for you but guess I can't control this foolish heart of mine.

Now, all I want to do is to love you though I know our days are numbered. Soon you will have to leave. There are so many things I wanted to do and to give up for you even though I am anxious. I know it is silly how much I yearn for you.

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad you can't sleep at night?

If I can only sing that every minute of every day because that is exactly what I feel but I don't know if I still can because so many times I just break down and cry. Many sleepless nights I wonder if you will still care for me the way you did before.

We had the right love at the wrong time
Guess I always knew inside I wouldn't have you for a long time

Those dreams of yours are shining on distant shores
And if they're calling you away I have no right to make you stay

But somewhere down the road our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter when

Letting go is just another way to say
I'll always love you so

Guess that song says it all.

When we were still "friends", it is like every day you tell me "Di ko alam bat ang gaan ng loob ko sayo". At first, I thought, maybe because I made you laugh with my stupid stories. But it honestly also gives me that feeling of happiness and contentment.

When you first said "I love you", I pretended I did not hear you, no matter how many times you repeated the words. I know I feel the same way but it is just so wrong. But after a few days/weeks, my faith has been shaken; I could not anymore control my heart and eventually gave in to what I feel for you.

So many times I tried to let go from this relationship because it hurts. So many times I wish that my feelings for you will magically disappear. I know the longer I stay, the more it will be painful. But the thought alone brings tears to my eyes. I never found the courage to tell you because I do not want to leave and because a single "hi" from you changes everything and merely because I love you soo much!

But a lot of things have now changed(or am I just too paranoid to think things have changed?). Is it a sign that your feelings for me have changed too? I know you have your own reasons and I respect them. But were you just forced to stay because you know I could not bear to see you leave? I know you still tell me you love me, but is it just to make me feel ok? Why did you let me fall for you when you will just leave?

I know you hate reading this from me but I am just bothered from everything that has happened with us lately and this is my only way to express what I feel. And now you know how hard I have fallen for you.



Don't give me a second chance
It'll be the same
You will be the consequence
And I will have the pain

You are something else I have
I have to survive
That is why I say
With tears in my eyes

I wish I never opened up my heart
I didn't mean to love you baby
I wish I never let it get this far
I didn't mean to love you baby

If I could have a single wish
I'd turn back time
I didn't mean to make you
I didn't mean to make you mine

Don't look at me like...

About the Author :

Lilie

Joined: July 26, 2014 (4 years old)
Writings: 1
Send PM  ·  Female  ·  Offline
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Comments
red...
October 15, 2014 (3 years ago)

whoah!  this is soooo me lilie...sobrang feel ko 'tong blog mo... i can probably read this to you in person with the same expression as you would - facial expression, the tone of the voice and the feelings you have for every word you have here...like we have the same experiance...it was very recent, and i am still in the process of moving on...good thing i saw how my DAD is helping me a lot...hirap pero ganun talaga...

sana okay ka lang...very nice to see this blog, sana nakatulong sayo na nakapag-express ka, kahit dito sa site...i'll share mine soon...

be strong girl...

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Lilie
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

Hello red, thanks. Nice to know may nakakarelate sa akin. Ang hirap pala magsulat habang umiiyak.LOL! I'm trying to be ok. It's my only choice.

Glad to know you have your dad helping you. I guess I will have to go through the process alone, soon..yoko na mandamay ng iba.lol.

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red...
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

my DAD can be your DAD too Lilie, i mean kasi si GOD... *mwah*

honga girl, normal ka may nakakarelate sayo, lolz

pero pag ako nagsulat ng sad experience ko, sana walang maka-relate kasi nga sad and bad e, hehe, oks lang maging abnormal...di ba, di ba?   ahahaha, ako lang to, baliw-baliwan lang...potex, 2nd day absent na ko...nyahahaha, sorry nanggulo ko sa blog mo lilie, peace! mwah mwah mwah

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Lilie
October 17, 2014 (3 years ago)

Relate din ako sa sad and bad pati sa abnormal. lol

And yes sa ngayon sa Kanya lang ako nagoopen up about my prob...sa Kanya lang din ako may lakas ng loob sabihin ang nararamdaman ko, kahit na naging bad ako with my decisions.

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darker_than_black
October 15, 2014 (3 years ago)

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into a little bit of everything

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darker_than_black
October 15, 2014 (3 years ago)

very nice. two thumbs up.

into a little bit of everything

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red...
October 15, 2014 (3 years ago)

hoy dark...2 thumbs up ka dyan, ikaw cguro honey ni lilie no? ahahaha...joke lang, bleh!

peace tayo lilie.. :D

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Lilie
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

Thanks darker_than_black.

Lol red, iba ang honey ko.

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red...
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

hindi ba si dark lilie? o sya, akin nlng sya...pero may honey na ko, ex na nga lang so tart na lng, short for "sweetheart"...chot...ahihihi

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darker_than_black
October 18, 2014 (3 years ago)

hahaha. nag two thumbs lang ako.

into a little bit of everything

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red...
October 18, 2014 (3 years ago)

sabi ko nga sayo tart...minsan sa ganyan talaga nag-uumpisa...lolz

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T
trebor_1177
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

aww, love hurts kaya mo yan lilie

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Lilie
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

thanks trebor

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ja_len1
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

nice .. dami makakarelate syo...
mahirap tlga ma inlove tapos at the wrong time pa...

dont worry lilie i know time heals all wounds...
prepare for better ones coming your way

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Lilie
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

Thanks ja_len1..just realized now dami pala nakarelate. Lol!

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a.bit.innocent
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

Last night,i came across with your blog. Di ko napigilan sabihin sa chatroom na "ang bigat sa loob ng blog ni lilie". I felt it eh. I feel you. Yung parang may sudden thud doon.. Doon mismo kung saan ipinagkatiwala mo yung buong ikaw sa kanya.

Halos lahat yata dito nakakarelate. Halos lahat makakapag sabi na "oo,nangyari na sa akin yan". Lahat nadadapa,lahat bumabangon. But then,sabi nga nila, time heals everything.. Konting hintay lang.. konting tiis. Dadating ulit sa point na magigising ka na magaan na ang loob. Walang bakas ng ano mang pait na dulot ng isang di magandang dulot ng pag-ibig. :)

Cheer up,girl :)

Sometimes my alone time is for your own safety

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Lilie
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

Thanks a.bit.innocent. Tama nga na marami siguro ang naranasan ang naranasan ko ngaun. Siguro it is already part of one's life. Ang magkamali ng dahil sa pag-ibig. Lol!

In God's time, all wounds will heal.

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red...
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

brad yung ibang nadapa, hindi gustong bumangon...lolz

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jana04
Status: Suspended

October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

huhuhu..affected much talaga ako dito.. :(

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Lilie
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

thanks jana. :)

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maginoo
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

lalim ng pinaghuhugutan :P

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Lilie
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

opo sobrang lalim sir magi

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D
dina76
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

super relate :( malalampasan din naten too, lilie.

I don't think that you even realize the joy that you make me feel when I'm inside your universe.

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Lilie
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

Hi dina oo naman malalampasan natin to. tiwala lang. hehe

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D
dina76
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

korek. aja! take care.

I don't think that you even realize the joy that you make me feel when I'm inside your universe.

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Bebeko
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

A nice way of expressing your feelings. You let it out and I guess you felt relieved and refreshed even to those who read your blog. Moving on is the best solution as you've said will happen eventually. I guess you're right.

Good job!

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Lilie
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

Thanks po sir Bebeko.

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User Not Found
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

hmm, one of my favorite songs... and the narrative's just sad but heartfelt, Lilie... isabay pa ang kanta sa background... I do hope na lang na malampasan mo rin ang pinagdadaanan mo however painful it is... and sana when that time comes, post ka uli ng isang blog pero yung ramdam na namin ang smile mo... : )

"The erotic is rarely nudity. It is subtle, a feeling, a gesture, mood, a story frozen in the moment that holds you breathless waiting for the next moment. Understand this & you understand erotic."

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Lilie
October 17, 2014 (3 years ago)

Thanks The_Pirate_Marquise. Yes I wish too someday I can write that blog na. Sana soon na rin.

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pilyangpasaway
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

"Why did you let me fall for you when you will just leave?" yan din tanong ko sa kanya... tanong na alam ko mahirap sagutin on his part dahil di rin nya kontrolado feelings ko... sigh :(

(nakakaiyak naman) pero totoo kahit na sabihin mong magtira ka para sa sarili mo, you can't help but to be too generous in loving someone.

nice sharing ms Lilie, sabi ko nga sa iba kung may pinagdadaan, daanan mo lang wag masyadong tambayan.... and i believe kung gaano na ka naging weak to accept the fact it is over, ay ganun ka naman ka strong when you get over all of this.

You never know how Strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

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red...
October 16, 2014 (3 years ago)

beeeekz....waaaaahhh, naiiyak ako sa comment mo...tara na magkape na tayo.....kita na tayo sa sabado ng hapon, pagkagaling ko sa wedding...ahihihi...set na yan...

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pilyangpasaway
October 17, 2014 (3 years ago)

Kala ko ako lng din mababa luha beeeekkz nyahahaha..... ayan di na breakfast, hapon nman hahaha..... sige kung kinakailangan ikutin ko buong metro Manila sa sabado ma tuloy lang yang kapihan lol kapeng kape na din ako hahahaha......

You never know how Strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

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Lilie
October 17, 2014 (3 years ago)

pilyangpasaway thanks. Iba kasi pag tinamaan na ni kupido nalilimutan ng magtira para sa sarili.

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M
Mr.M
October 17, 2014 (3 years ago)

Lilie someday when you have passed this you'll be smiling already and say to yourself "This has made me stronger".And when you cross paths again He may just not have the face to show to you anymore after what you've gone thru.We are tested and all such impurities taken out of our lives.

ISO certified DOM and ATC(Ako'y Talagang Cute!)

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confusedchic22
October 28, 2014 (3 years ago)

"So many times I tried to let go from this relationship because it hurts." Kung noong una pa lang bumitaw na ko hindi sana ganito kasakit.. Hanubayan lakas makahugot :(

Bittersweet...

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