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A few songs back, nag-pplay si Footloose sa Spotify ko and while I was singing along with Kenny Loggins (yaz, original version tayo. ganun ka-old ang story na 'to at ganun na din ako ka-old), I realized I have not really written a "full" confession about my relationship with my cousin.

Yaz, nagkaroon ako ng relasyong sekswal with my first degree cousin. And it lasted for almost six years.

(Well, at least from when we really started fucking to the time I finally said no sa pag-aaya nyang mag-sex kami. I said no na not because I didn't want to but because naging kabit na ako sa sitwasyon namin nun at nakunsensya na din ako.)


Kadumdom ka sa atong picture, katong naa ka sa akong likod, imo ko gigakos nya nakadikit akong ulo sa imong boobs? Didto nako na-feel nga ganahan ko nimo not as ig-agaw.

Seryoso?

Oo, seryoso.

Lami kaayo akong feeling ato nga time.

But you were like, what, 10 years old that time?

Nope, 9.

(Yep, that was his awakening. In his own words. Mine? It came a few years later, right after I graduated in college.)

"Ig-agaw"

It translates to cousin / pinsan. It is also used to tease sa mga magpipinsan na nagkakantutan.

"Ig-a" meaning hit me or yeah, in Tagalog, tirahin mo ko. So literal translation, "ig-agaw" means "tirahin mo ko, insan".

So, back to Footloose....

Right after my college graduation, tumira ako sa bahay ng tiyahin ko in Cebu (kapatid ng tatay ko) para mag-review for the CPA board exams. (For those who know me, alam nyong taga Mindanao ako and I spent a couple of years in Cebu before I jumped from one place to another.)

One night, we were watching this movie Footloose when he finally let loose of his sexual desires for me. Ako naman, sa sobrang close namin as mag-pinsan, I reciprocated his carnal advances. Nagsimula lang sa pasimpleng "put your head on my shoulder" na nauwi sa "get down on me, baby". Though that time, I didn't give in to the penetration part. Takot ako mabuntis. Pero everything else, halos nagawa na namin. And we were so careful not to get caught pero we both knew nagduda na iilang kasama namin sa bahay. Hindi lang talaga nila kami nahuli in the act.

Those days of sneak and tease lasted for almost a year. Nag-stop lang kami when I decided to go back home months after the board exams. I won't go into the juicy details because he was technically still a minor that time.

When I went back to Cebu after more than a year of being a bum sa probinsya namin, hindi na ako tumira sa bahay nila and as much as we both wanted to continue what we started, pinigilan ko na sarili kong makipagkita sa kanya na kami lang for the obvious reason na bawal ang relasyon namin na 'yon.

I got my first real job, got pregnant, became a wife and a mother and eventually got separated from my ex-hubby.

Then ten years after that Footloose incident, my cousin and I reconnected. It was not voluntary on my part. Nautusan lang ako ng tiyuhin namin na tumawag sa bahay nila for some important family matters and lo and behold, sya ang nakasagot ng phone. Landline pa ang uso nun and I was working in Makati that time.

He has two siblings, a sis and a bro pero ewan ba bakit sya pa talaga ang nakasagot ng tawag ko. Pero sabi nga, sadyang mapagbiro ang tadhana.

Kakauso lang ng cellphone so he grabbed that chance to ask me for my mobile number. Ako naman, okay, wala namang masama kung maging katextmate kami. After all, we are cousins first, di ba? Pwede namang wala ng malisya ang usapan, it had been ten years.

Months after that call, I decided to quit my job in Makati and went back home sa Mindanao. Kaso nautusan uli ako ng tiyuhin namin, this time para mag-asikaso ng mga bagay-bagay sa Cebu. Since everyone else was oblivious of what happened between me and my cousin a decade back and those who suspected may have forgotten all about it, sya naman ang nautusang sunduin ako sa airport, since sya ang youngest sa magkakapatid at wala pang asawa nun.

Upon seeing him, something in me was awakened. I couldn't deny the fact that I missed him and memories of our sexual tryst from ten years back came flashing back in my head. Pero syempre, hindi ko 'yon pinahalata sa kanya.

From the airport, he drove straight to Moonlight Inn. Mas lalo akong na-excite.

I will never forget what I was wearing that day. A navy blue three-fourths polo and a button fly jeans.
...

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somebodyuused2know's Profile Picture
somebodyuused2know
November 7, 2022 (22 days ago)

Yan! Iopen mo comments section. Kung di pa kita pestehin sa messenger di mo bubuksan to eh 不不不

Nainggit ako sayo sis. Di ka kasi duwag umamin sa mga nangyari sayo. Di ko naman sinasabing duwag ako. Pero I don't think I can be as strong and honest as you are.

Napaisip lang ako. Yung common denominator natin pati ni Bella, mas madali ma-attract sa mga lalakeng may tats, kamag-anak ni Robin. Nakaka-bobo lang di ba. Sabi ko nga sayo, sa pag-ibig ka lang talaga natatanga hahahaha. Pero sulit sistah, gandang bata naman, manang-mana sa daddi ih. 不不不

Salute sistah!

"You are my lesson learned"

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BellaVictoria's Profile Picture
BellaVictoria
November 7, 2022 (22 days ago)

To correct, hindi naman lahat may Tats pero yung bad boy/may angas.

Angas in different forms din:
- in the form of physical na hitsura
- the way he speaks and carries himself
- Angas dahil witty

Ayoko sa pa sad boi at pa cute because maangas na ako tapos papacute-an ako? I cannot. Baka hindi sila tumagal ng 10 minutes sa kapag tinanong ko na sila ano ang POV nila sa bagay bagay.

Sometimes we put up walls not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to knock them down.

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somebodyuused2know's Profile Picture
somebodyuused2know
November 7, 2022 (22 days ago)

I need to rephrase my statement pala, hahaha,yeah, yung wit talaga ih.

"You are my lesson learned"

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BellaVictoria's Profile Picture
BellaVictoria
November 7, 2022 (22 days ago)

Hindi kailangan ng super gwapo basta witty. Hindi nape-fake kasi yan. - anon. 五

Sometimes we put up walls not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to knock them down.

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User Not Found admin
November 7, 2022 (22 days ago)

Heh! Mana kaya sa akin mata nun, kita mo singkit. Pero singkit din naman ang tatay. Kamukha ko ata 不

Astig kasi may tats, sistah. Pero bonus nalang yon. Sabi ko nga, nasa kanya na ang lahat, pati apelyido ng tatay ko

Its okay if you dont like me. I was not born to impress you.

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BellaVictoria's Profile Picture
BellaVictoria
November 7, 2022 (22 days ago)

Midz! Unang-una, virtual cuddles. Yan ang fave ko gawin sayo.

Pangalawa, nasabi ko na ang one liners ko sa iyo sa DM thinking na mababasa mo naman iyon after mo mag hibernate pero uulitin ko na lang ulit dito. Baka mauna mo pa mabasa I am so glad to get to know more about you on a deeper level. Alam mo naman tayo, we have common respect when it comes to our personal lives pero having read about this parang na feel ko na mas nakilala kita (naks drama. Shot!)

Palagi ko sinasabi, no judgement kasi we are all flawed. Pero kudos for being brave sa pag share ng flaws mo.

And I am leaving this with a quote from Pareng George R.R. Martin:

Once you have accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you.

Sometimes we put up walls not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to knock them down.

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User Not Found admin
November 7, 2022 (22 days ago)

BV! Cuddles

Eto kasing si Pareng Kenny Loggins eh, ang ingay kahapon ng umaga habang antay namin sundo para gumala kaya tuloy napa walk down memory lane. Sabi ko sa bff ko antagal na pala yong una talagang may nangyari sa amin ni ano kasi eto yong pinapanood namin nun. Then sabi ko makapagsulat nga ng confession 不

Hayyy BV, masyadonh makulay ang buhay ko. Pang MMK

Thankie mucho for the virtual hugs. At tama ka, mas una ko talaga mababasa to kesa sa DMs. Tinamad pa ako mag install eh

Its okay if you dont like me. I was not born to impress you.

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