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I Want To Die...

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Confession: True Story, Taglish · Categories: First Time · Tags: , ,
Date: September 2, 2022 (24 days ago)


Hello! Just call me Neph! 32 years old, a father to a two beautiful young ladies and a husband to my wife.

I'm a working man! 9 hours shift, 5 days/week. CSR, pero mababa ang sahod kasi non-voice.

Avid fan ako dito, been following a lot of stories and authors. Matagal na ko nagbabasa dito, may mga stories akong pinafollow na never na nasundan so minsan tinatamad ako. But, meron naman na on-going pa din kaya nageenjoy pa din magbasa.

Enough with the introduction. As you guys might be wondering why I want to die. Hehe! Lately, I had this sinking feeling sa sarili ko. Siguro, eto ung feeling mostly nararamdaman ng maraming tao pero di mo alam kung anong dapat mong maramdaman kapag ikaw na mismo yung nasa ganong sitwasyon.

Have you guys felt very disappointed sa sarili mo? Na nararamdaman mong no matter what you do, walang nangyayare sa buhay mo? I've heard the same stories from my friends or other people and somehow nakakapagbigay ako ng feedback or advice sa kanila pero when it was me, I felt like no one would understand me.

Nararamdaman ko na magiging burden lang ako sa ibang tao though when someone opened up to me, hindi naman ganon yung naramdaman ko para sa kanila. But somehow, I still felt na ako, makakaistorbo lang ako, or feeling ko nga burden lang ako at...

About the Author :

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Nephilim1102

Joined: September 2, 2022 (24 days old)
Writings: 1
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Keepmelogin's Profile Picture
Keepmelogin
September 2, 2022 (24 days ago)

Seek help from professionals. I am also someone who works in the BPO industry and alam ko na merong mga company na nagbibigay ng mental health coverage specially kung maxicare HMO mo.

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niknakz1102
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Thank you! Sadly we do not have something like that. But i'll try my best na makapagpacheck up.

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walangkaagaw
September 2, 2022 (24 days ago)

best advice na yung get professional help, pero kung ayaw mo, why not focus those frustration on something else, like games, maybe sports or exercise, write a book, draw your emotions away (painting/drawing) lahat lang na just something to focus those negativities out, hope this helps

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niknakz1102
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Naglalaro ako pag wala ko magawa. Yet, parang walang nangyayare. And thank you, im actually looking for free consultations right now kasi wala talaga sa budget ko pampacheckup ng mga ganito..

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caramia1994
September 2, 2022 (24 days ago)

Never naging better option Ang suicide. Seek help na Po sa professionals. Mag open up na din Po kayo sa mga Malapit na friends and families nyo. Para gumaan Ang pakiramdam nyo.  I don't know exactly kung ano Ang tumatakbo sa isip nyo Ngayon. Pero isipin nyo Po na may dumedepende na sa Inyo na magagandang anak nyo. Maluluungkot sila pag nawala ka, they need you. Sa kanila ka humugot Ng strength para paglabanan Nyan.. pray din lagi. Ingat ka lagi.

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niknakz1102
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

May time na nalulungkot din ako kapag naiisip ko family ko lalo na mga bata kasi I cant give them the best life. Im being unfair to them coz im not giving them the best me. :( Ang sakit lang..

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nhoj_trebla03
September 10, 2022 (16 days ago)

Kaya mo ibigay yung best things in life. Lahat tyo may pinagdadaanan. Ako nga santambak utang, bpo din work pero laban lang. Hanggang andito ko para sa pamilya ko, maabot din yun, darating din. Kelangan ko lang tyagain kasi pag sinukuan ko walang ng best things in life.

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baldymannnn
September 2, 2022 (24 days ago)

For me mas ok if you try to pray and leave it all up to God. ako nga may mga ka work ako na pilit ako na ibinabagsak at pilit na sinisiraan at gusto talaga na masira sa araw araw nagbibigay ng kung ano ano na tsismis para masiraan ako pero ako ay nananatili na nagpapakatatag althoigh minsan gusto ko na din patulan ar kitilin ang buhay nila pero mas nangingibabaw ang pananampalataya kaya para sa akin mas mabuti kung ganun ang gawin mo.

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niknakz1102
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Sabi nga din ng isa kong kaibigan. Mas okay daw lumapit sa pari or pastor kasi sa doktor daw bibigyan lang ako ng gamot non.. ewan ko.. medyo nalilito pa din ako sa steps na kailangan kong gawin

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ggmatrixx
September 2, 2022 (24 days ago)

Teka kaibigan.. ano ba problema mo muna..?? Ilahad mo pinagmumulan saka na yung nararamdaman mo. Magbabasa kami

To the mooooonnn!

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niknakz1102
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Madami masyado to the point na napapagod na ko magisip ng mga possible solutions. Work related, family related, personal issues, financial, emotional, mental instability.. sabay sabay na kaya nakakapagod talaga..

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silentfantasy
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Anxiety na yan pre! Depression, overthinking... Pakunsulta kna. Need mo counseling bro... Malalampasan mo yan kpg marami ka kinakausap sa mga iniisip mo kasi makapagbibigay sila ng ayuda sa mga problema iniisip mo. ipamigay mo yan mga nasa isip mo. Pakawalan mo sila at wag ikulong sa utak mo. Tapik sa balikat lng ng kapatid mo, kaibigan mo, lalong lalo na yakap ng misis mo... ipakilala mo sakanila mga madalas bisita mo jan sa utak mo. Para makilala din nila mga nagpapagulo sa sayo. Wag mo dapat sabayan ang bugso ng mga bisita mo epekto ng kakaisip mo sakanila. Dasal para sa kapayapaan ng iyong isipan. At katatagan ng iyong loob para sa hinaharap ng iyong mag-iina. Laban lng bro! Malayo pa ang lalakbayin mo kasama ng pamilya mo.

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ggmatrixx
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Kaya ka magpapakamatay? Kaya sinsabi mo na baka masaktan wife and kids mo.

Pre. Kinikimkim mo ata yang problema mo e. Ilabas mo muna.. makikinig kami

To the mooooonnn!

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ggmatrixx
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Write ka ukit confession.. ilabas mo isa isa ung problem mo. Madami kami na mag aanalyze ng problem mo.

Dali..

To the mooooonnn!

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Hisoka02
September 2, 2022 (24 days ago)

Suicide is never the answer pre. I know yung feeling ng gnyan, yung parang walang nakakaappreciate sa mga gnagawa mo. Na kaht anong gawin mo walang nangyyri. Seek help bro, seek time to talk to your friends. You can also use this platform, hanap ka ng makakausap. It will help.

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Cuckolddaddy26
September 2, 2022 (24 days ago)

May family ka. They are your responsibility. So stand up strong and control yourself. Pahirap ng pahirap ang mundo. Gusto mo ba harapin ng family mo ang hirap ng mundo na wala ka?

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niknakz1102
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Nafeel ko to.. salamat lods.. tama ka sa sinabe mo.. ill keep it in mind

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ebonti
September 2, 2022 (24 days ago)

You seem  to have lost faith in life and  wants others to join you in your misery, we are products of our choices -get some prof help before ou do something that will further aggrevate our quite desparation

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niknakz1102
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

I really wish that mental help is free. Ang hirap kapag pati ganito need mo pa isipan ng budget. Pero im not setting aside the idea of having myself diagnosed or checked.

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Pogi12345678
September 3, 2022 (24 days ago)

Lods, stop mo na yung pagbabasa mo ng about sa mindset ng mga serial killers or about sa kanila. Na aadopt mo na eh. Try mo magbasa ng mga self help books din. At try mo na rin mag pa advice sa mga professional psychologist lods marami sila mai aadvice pa na makakatulong sayo. Tyaka by the way, ganda ng work mo gusto ko rin mag work as Non-voice kaso lagi ako rejected sa BPO. Haha. Anyways yun lang. Suicide is never an option. Just enjoy life lods.

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niknakz1102
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

May mga binabasa naman akong nakakatulong kahit papano. May mga ginagawa din akong mga bagay bagay para maibsan or madivert ung isip ko.. salamat lods..

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ImOnlyHalfEvil333
September 3, 2022 (24 days ago)

Fuckkk youuu depression tawag dyannn...same situation tau pero alam m pgkakaiba natin never ako sumuko...nung time na depress ako ang ginawa ko the so called Leap of Faith i resigned from my work kc same shit routine lng nangyayari  even though d k alm kng ano ipapakain k sa pamilya k..i work abroad...yeah cguro d m rn kakayanin un ibang level dn pg ng abroad as for my pagka sadista ako sa sarili ko i always confronted my own fear ima fucking risk taker..bakit ganun naging mind set ko?? Kc ayoko umasa sa ibang tao ayoko maging pabigat khit mahirap ginawa kong one man army sarili k..kng d mo iibahin mind set m wala mangyayari sau learn to appreciate urself...EVERYONES FUCKED UP You just gotta figure out what kind of fucked up you're into

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niknakz1102
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Goodjob sayo lods. .sana maging mindset ko din ung mindset mo.. salamat sa advise..

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Kuntilme
September 3, 2022 (24 days ago)

Mahinang nilalang haha! Nagpapatalo sa DSAT! HAHAH

Isipin mo Yung 2 anak mo, yan pa naman ang bungad mo

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niknakz1102
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Yep, and it takes courage to speak out specially sa mga ganitong issues. May mga nahihiyang magsalita talaga kasi un nga, they might feel judged or laughed at. I dunno what im going through exactly, kaya naglalabas lang ako ng kung anong nasa isip ko. Salamat sa advise

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crheyj328
September 3, 2022 (24 days ago)

pagamot mo utak mo boss. wag mo isipin patayin sarili mo at lalong wag mo isipin pumatay ng iba. wag ka mandamay. alam mong may dipresenya kana, nanonood kapa ng crime videos. punta ka hospital asap

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niknakz1102
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

I dunno kasi kung anong requirements if kailangan magpaospital. Wala kong enough money for that. Salamat sa advise

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CodeRed
September 3, 2022 (24 days ago)

Boss malilibog kami lahat dito pero we value life including yours , Best advice ,seek professional help . Do it for your loveones .

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niknakz1102
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Same lang tayo kaya nga andito ako ng matagal ng panahon pero ibang account tong gamit ko.. i will try my best na makapagpacheckup.. if that is what i need to do.. baka nga un kailangan ko.. salamat

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s0n_0f_lib3rty
September 3, 2022 (24 days ago)

Lodi, tama mga sinabi ng iba dito, think of your love ones, get help, at wag mahiya, recently, ive seen a clip from vice ganda, na dapat ang pagbisita sa psychologists and psychiatrists should be normal like going to the dentist, tama yun, di dapat sinasarili ang ganyang mga problem, open up with your wife, you can also search for groups that can help, napaka lawak ng internet at imposibleng wala kang makitang group na malapit syo,

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niknakz1102
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Im looking for one actually.. pero un nga.. wala sa oras.. wala din sa budget.. pero ill try.. susubukan ko.. salamat sa advise

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Hartzero
September 3, 2022 (24 days ago)

Every life matters including yours
You are worth it and you know it.

We are all lost, waiting to be found

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niknakz1102
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Thank you.. i never knew that i needed to know this..

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PTmaharot
September 3, 2022 (24 days ago)

fuck no! big no!

alam m sir hanap ka ng recreational activity mo para malibang ka..
need m lang magpalamig

PTmaharot

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niknakz1102
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Naghahanap ako actually.. salamat po sa advise.. stay safe

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PUTAHINKITA
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Keep fighting sir laban lang same situaton tayo nfayon but ako is in the way of recovering my self na laban ka lng alisin mo sa isip mo yung mag pakamatay di yab nakakatulong

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theBAD
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

consult philippine mental health..may hotline sila para mka tawag ka..

try only once

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Delfinger
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Kung totoong mahal mo pamilya mo, laban lang.. may kanya kanya tayong laban sa buhay. Seek professional help.. parang ex ko lang. Ganyan din kalagayan nya.. no matter how i support wala nangyari.. kalaban mo sarili mo, walang ibang makakatulong sayo kundi sarili mo lang don bro.

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diegomadara
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Try mo i repair ang bahay mo, like repaint the wall, clean lahat ng makita mo na lomot or lahat ng dumi, mga sirang gamit i repair mo, if pagod na pahinga, refresh, drink ng malamig,  then plan mo naman nx na gagawin mo na pag lilinis, napa satisfying sa isip if ang laki ng nagawa mong paglilinis.

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fakehappyfox
September 3, 2022 (23 days ago)

Hi. Nag-pm ako sa both accounts mo. In case hindi mo mabasa, dito na lang.
If you need professional help, please check this page ng National Center for Mental Health:
Check mo jan sa page yung numbers na pwede mong tawagan (globe/smart/landline) and it's free.

Also, you might want to open up sa family mo. Talking to strangers na hindi mangjujudge sayo is okay but the best support system you can get to fight your demons is from your loved ones (family, friends). If you know that you're not alone in this battle, baka mabago yung mindset mo. Alam ko this will be very hard kasi you're afraid sa magiging reaction nila or baka instead na maresolve is lalong madagdagan yung worries mo. It's okay not to be okay. It's just that super makakatulong if someone will be there for you all the time. Please find that someone from your circle. And if wala talaga, we're here for you. Talk about your worries more. Madaming handang makinig. :)

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snclllr
September 5, 2022 (22 days ago)

Been there done that bro. What you have there is depression. I was in denial when I had that. I wasn't able to seek any professional help. We were living abroad then with my wife and daughter. Pero because of the environment where I was in. My mental health got the best out of me. There were times na may bumubulong sa ken and that was really something new to me then. Thought it was only happening sa movies. What I did was to go out more often. Try to change my routine. Like you, I was also working na parang everyday same scenario. I tried to talk to people and friends just to keep my mind off dun sa mga bulong-bulong. Though it took awhile, but I've managed to survive it. Also, talk to your wife bro. Confess whatever it is that's bothering you.

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Takiyomi
September 6, 2022 (21 days ago)

There are times that we used to feel anxious and furious at the same time dahil pakiramdam natin, walang nakikiramay sa atin. Kaya pumapasok sa atin ang last resort o yung tinatawag nating suicide dahil tingin natin may makikiramay na sa atin.

Inalala ko yung mga sikat na tao na nagpakamatay. Kung anuman ang dinanas nila noon ay nararanasan natin ngayon lalo na't parang wala nang katapusan ang problema. At sadyang hindi rin pera at katanyagan ang solusyon.

Pero may dahilan para mabuhay kesa mamatay. Sabi nga ni John Rambo, do we choose to live for nothing or die for something? May pamilya kang dapat ingatan at ipaglaban. Ingatan mo sila kahit laban sa sarili mo. Hindi mo sila ipauubaya sa iba dahil ganoon ang pagmamahal. Ibibigay ang lahat dahil nararapat kang ibigin.

Kung mahal mo ang pamilya mo, suicide will never be an option. Kukunin ko pa rin yung sinabi ni Robin Williams, make you life spectacular. Maaaring hindi para sa kaniya pero para sa katulad nating patuloy na lumalaban.

I don't need a lot, just a few who truly cares.

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prettygorgeous
September 8, 2022 (19 days ago)




Ito po, free daw. Just click the link. May mga free consultation po. Pwede po kayong pumunta personally to seek for medical help for free or call them for free. Looking forward for your healing po para sayo lalo na sa pamilya mo. Life is precious, it is a gift from God kaya pahalagahan po natin. You can also go to a priest, really a great help especially if exorcist priest.

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prettygorgeous
September 8, 2022 (19 days ago)

Hindi pala nadedetect ang link dito. You may reach them through   0 .. 9.. 1.. 7.. 8.. 9.. 9. 8.. 7.. 2.. 7.. NATIONAL CENTER FOR MENTAL HEALTH. Then sa PGH naman po, go to their website and paappointment ka po, bibigyan ka nila ng schedule for your free consultation.

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TerribleSmallG
September 15, 2022 (12 days ago)

How are you na? I read most of the posts here are positive lined feedback. I think nasa stage ka ngayon na naka routine. Have you tried having some "me time"? or a bit of barkada time? or husband and wife time? sometimes, when we are stuck in the routine situation, we tend to think we reached our peak or bottom. But in your situation, I think you change a bit of what you do. We do have struggles and it is an everyday thing and we all have it, active or passive type.

Better let your close family know about your situation. Also, surround yourself with fun activities and people, yung calm or light weight na kasama. :-)

Daddy's little princess :-)

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maber22
Sunday, 25 September 2022 (1 day ago)

agree ako sayo  korek ia dyab

angelofDeath

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maber22
Sunday, 25 September 2022 (1 day ago)

Pakamatay kana ..?tapos?anu mangyayari?pag patay kana gusto mo uli mabuhay?hahaha
nanainis dba??pero hindi muna mababalik pa...anung akala mo??pag nagpakamatay ka eh..magiging masaya ka dun?anjan ako nuon sir..
need mu lang..tignan ang paligid mo..dun mo masasabi..bakit masarap mabuhay...
mag unwind ka..sama mu wife at kids mo..family bonding..
ir if ayaw mo.ikaw muna mag isa..isipin mo single ka..balik binata ka muna..hanggang makaramdam ka uli ng tiwala sa sarili at nakaramdam ka uli ng masarap pala mabuhay..kaya pala maganda lahat nakikita ko sa paligid kasi eto ang plan ni god sa akin na makita ang mga magagandang nilikha nya .
kahit babae pa yan..hehehe
basta mag enjoy kalang...huwag ka papatalo sa bumubulong sayo..kasi pag nagpatako ka dyan??wla..hindi mo nagawa ang part mo bilang isang Tao..
na ma enjoy ang buhay na binigay sayo..ayun lang sir .keep safe and Godbless..isipin muna rin..masarap mabuhay kasi daming luto ng dyos na magaganda..hahaha
basta kaya mo yab

angelofDeath

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