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"Pwede ka bang maging boyfriend hanggang Valentine's Day?" Buong tapang kong tanong kay N, four days after una ko syang kinulit sa Yahoo Messenger (YM). Uso pa ang YM nun. This was after nung virtual fuck buddies' arrangement namin ni Rai.

Matagal nang nasa friends' list ko si N, siguro mga November 2014 pa lang pero hanggang hi and hello lang kami kasi naging loyal din naman ako kay Rai, albeit the circumstances of our relationship. Pero when we both had finally moved on and our online sexual encounters had ended, I started flirting with N.

Sino at bakit si N?

Si N ay dakilang flirt sa FSS chatroom. Lahat nalang yata ng ka-chat nya ay may endearment sya. Babe, love, tart, sweetie. Oh you name it, he had it all, or maybe not all but you know what I mean. Pero wala syang girlfriend nung time na 'yon. Kakabreak lang nila nung gf nyang taga-FSS din.

So bakit sya?

Well, I am usually drawn to jerks. And I dunno, there was just something about him that was irresistible. Something na gusto kong kilalanin and wanted to dig deeper. Hindi sya kagwapuhan. Nakita ko na itsura nya kasi naglalapag sya ng pictures nya sa chatroom pero dahil sapio-sexual ako so, ayon nga, ako na naman ang nag-initiate ng conversation namin. I know what you are thinking, 'Hindi na ako natuto'. Yeah, yeah...

Anyway, it was early February 2015 and OFW pa din ako nun. Sobrang bored kaya naisipan kong kulitin si N and four days after our first real convo, ayon na nga ang proposal ko sa kanya.

"Sige na, since wala kang girlfriend, di ba? At ako din walang boyfriend. Para naman masabi kong may boyfriend ako sa Valentine's Day." Dagdag ko pang pangungulit sa kanya. Syempre, may konting hiya akong naramdaman nun. Hiya at kaba, baka tanggihan nya ako. It was the first time na ginawa ko 'yon at hindi ko alam ano ang magiging reaksyon ni N. I was praying he would say yes.

"Ah sandali pag-iisipan ko muna." Tugon nya bago sya tumawa.

"Sows! Umoo ka na kasi. Ilang days lang naman yon eh." Kung nasa harapan ko lang si N nun ay makikita nyang nakasimangot ako at nakataas pa ang aking kilay.

"Five minutes. Pag-iisipan ko ng five minutes bago ako sasagot." Pang-aasar ni N.

"Ang tagal!"

"Hahaha! O sige na payag na ako. Boyfriend mo na ako hanggang Valentine's Day."

"Yey! Thank you. Ayan boyfriend na kita hanggang February 14. You are bound to this contract kaya 'wag na 'wag kang manligaw sa iba. Kapag may nagustuhan kang iba sabihin mo munang mag-antay hanggang ma-terminate ang contract natin."

"Oo, hindi pa naman ako nag-breach ng contract ni minsan kaya 'wag kang mag-alala. So, any restrictions? Do's and don'ts?"

"Nahhh I want you to be yourself. Ayokong pagbawalan ka kung ano ang gusto mong gawin. Basta isa lang ang 'wag mong gawin, ang manligaw sa iba."

"Ok. I-aannounce ba natin?" Ang ibig sabihin ni N ay kung ipapaalam namin sa aming mga common friends at sa chatroom.

"Haha! Wag na para kapag nag-end ang contract natin ay wala akong dapat i-explain sa kanila at mabilis na maibalik ang dati between us."

"Ok sabi mo eh."

Marami pa kaming napag-usapan ng gabing iyon and we ended up having our first SOP. Yes, mahilig talaga ako sa SOP nung mga panahong 'yon, but only with the person na gusto ko and I had some kind of connection, emotionally. Oo, inaamin ko naman, bago ko pa naisipang kulitin si N ay may crush na ako sa kanya. I wouldn't do something as stupid as proposing to be his girlfriend until Valentine's Day if I didn't have feelings for him.

Naging makulay ang mga sumunod na mga araw para sa akin and I could really say na I had moved on from Rai. N was always around either sa YM nya or sa Viber whenever he was at work. Yon nga lang kapag naka-day off sya, stop din muna ang communication namin. His days off were his time off from me. Hindi naman ako pwedeng mag-demand for him to be always there for me kasi hindi naman talaga kami totoong mag-syota.

"Malapit na mag-end ang contract natin. Sana magkita tayo before it comes." Banggit ko kay N nung palapit na ang araw nga mga puso.

"Oo nga, kaso ang layo mo." Sagot nya.

"Hmmmm.... What if magpapabook ako para magkita tayo?" Pabiro kong tanong.

"Seryoso?"

"Oo, seryoso. Mura lang naman ang pamasahe ngayon kasi hindi naman peak season. Besides matagal na din naman akong hindi nakauwi kaya I think I deserve a short break." It had been almost eight months since my last vacation.

"Ikaw. But please don't decide out of pure excitement." May pag-aalinlangang sagot ni N. Siguro ayaw nya akong bigyan ng maling impression.

While it was true na walang gf si N but maybe he didn't want to mislead me into thinking that he had deep feelings for me. Siguro natutuwa lang sya sa setup namin kasi it was something out of the ordinary. A boy-girl relationship with only one restriction. No other demands, walang tampuhan at walang awayan. But deep inside maybe he felt na unti-unting nahuhulog ang loob ko sa kanya.

"Oo na. Wag kang mag-alala. Matagal ko na din namang pinag-isipan 'to. Just make yourself available for me. Sa bahay mo ako titira. At wag ka ng umangal."

"O ba! Sige just let me know kapag nakapagpabook ka na." Pagtatapos ni N sa usapan namin sa Viber nung araw na 'yon.

Excited akong nagpabook ng flight pauwi ng Pinas. At sinabi ko kay N kung anong araw ang flight ko kasi kelangan nyang magpaalam sa boss nya in case he needed to take a day off or he needed to swap days off with any of his colleagues.

"Yup, nakapabook na ako. I'd be arriving on the last Saturday of this month. Kaya i-ready mo na ang katawan mo." Pagbibiro kung sabi sa kanya.

Buong akala ko ay okay na kami ni N. I was excited to go home. Gusto ko ng hilahin ang mga araw. Little did I know na magiging missing in action si N after ng pag-uusap naming 'yon. Two days hindi sya nagparamdam and those were not his days off. So I knew something was wrong.

On the third day na hindi ako kinausap ni N, I tried calling him pero hindi nya sinagot ang mga tawag ko sa Viber. I was sad and I cried for the first time dahil kay N. Ang tanga ko talaga pagdating sa usapang puso. Narealize ko nun, I was really falling for him kasi bakit ako nasaktan nung hindi sya nagparamdam at binalewala ang mga tawag ko? I cried for two days. Gusto ko ng ipa-cancel ang flight booking ko pero nanghihinayang din naman ako. What if bigla akong kausapin ni N? I know I was so pathetic nung mga panahong 'yon. It was almost like I was hoping for a miracle.

On the fifth day ay nilunok ko na ang pride ko. Nagsend ako ng message kay N sa YM. Ako kasi ang tipo ng taong ayaw ng walang closure ang isang bagay. I had to know kung bakit biglang naging distant si N sa akin.

I asked him what was wrong.

"I didn't know how to tell you that maybe this whole setup is a mistake. I am still in the process of assessing myself and my feelings for you. Alam ko kasi you are one of those women na nasa puso ang susi ng pepe. Kapag pinasok ko alin man sa isa dyan ay binubuksan ko na din ang isa pa." Pagpapaliwanag ni N.

"So napepressure ka dahil sa sinabi kong nagpabook na ako?" Nasaktan man ay pinilit kong magiging normal ang mga salitang bibitawan ko.

"I'm sorry pero sabi nga sa kanta I'd rather hurt you honestly than mislead you with a lie."

"Ok. Don't worry hindi na ako tutuloy. Ipapacancel ko nalang yong booking ko."

"Galit ka po ba?" Pag-alalang tanong ni N.

"Nope. Sige matutulog na ako. And by the way you are still bound to the contract so technically tayo pa rin." Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagawa ko pang magbiro despite the pain that I felt for being rejected by N. Maybe I was still hoping that somehow N's feelings for me would change.

I cried my one last cry for N that night. Or so I thought.

The days that followed had been uneventful. Naging normal uli ang kulitan namin. At patuloy ang tawagan namin ng "Labs". Uulitin ko, ang tanga ko no?

Pero hindi ko sinabi kay N na hindi ko pina-cancel ang flight booking ko. Naisip ko nun tutuloy ako sa pag-uwi, kikitain man ako o hind...

About the Author :

Joined: September 7, 2013 (7 years old)
Writings: 22
Female  ·  Offline
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The.Hell.I.Care.
Signature Text:
And.I.Care.Not.
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Comments
anino
January 17, 2021 (1 month ago)

Whew! Hot and spicy with matching 100M Scoville. Hehehe


The problem, my buddy, is that you asked the wrong question. Instead of asking why, you should've asked if he was actually into the relationship.

Come to think about it there wasn't a relationship to begin with, you asked him, he agreed and made a term. That's not a relationship, that's just setting a boundaries to fuck and leave.

The fuck was good but the pretend relationship is not so, you are better off without him.

I'm here, mf, don't be sad. I can still hit you in the head when you messed up.

The Wanderer!

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MidLifeCrisis
January 17, 2021 (1 month ago)

Hahaha Em-ef!!! Hmpffff! I know tanga talaga ako pagdating sa usapang pampuso. And fast forward to today, I finally knew the reason why and as much as I hate to admit it, but you are right. He was not really into me. Oh well, at least I enjoyed the sex. 😅

Thanks for reading, Em-ef, and for the words of wisdom. Dut man sa bukog 😂

And.I.Care.Not.

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H
Hector1972
January 17, 2021 (1 month ago)

I'll find someone na papayag makakontrata. Pero papipirnahin ko to avoid issues sa future. How about that?

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MidLifeCrisis
January 19, 2021 (1 month ago)

Pwede :D Tapos itali agad :D :D :D

And.I.Care.Not.

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P
Popoy_
January 17, 2021 (1 month ago)

Hey hey! Wazzup? 😊

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MidLifeCrisis
January 19, 2021 (1 month ago)

Lahat down :D Read mo 'yong part na sabi ko :D

And.I.Care.Not.

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User Not Found
January 18, 2021 (1 month ago)

Melancholy and sadness are the start of doubt... doubt is the beginning of despair; despair is the cruel beginning of the differing degrees of wickedness.

please dont!☺️

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MidLifeCrisis
January 19, 2021 (1 month ago)

"please don't" - It's a little bit too late for this. :D I wasn't proud of them, but things happened. So please don't read the next parts, you'll gonna hate me for what I did after N.

And.I.Care.Not.

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User Not Found
January 19, 2021 (1 month ago)

I know it was too late..
I would still choose to the revealing of an unpleasant or otherwise life-changing truth into your real world, rather to remain in blissful ignorance to stay in wonderland.
I guess I have to swallow the Red pill then and continue reading it.
Make it darker!

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DaddyDon0002
January 18, 2021 (1 month ago)

Ang init ng sex!

Saklap lang kasi, ikaw lang ang into the relationship eh. Mahirap talaga sabayan ng feelings ang pang temporaryong relasyon, makaguba sa dughan.

Hay ang labs talaga...

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MidLifeCrisis
January 19, 2021 (1 month ago)

Guba mo lang, apil pang akong konsensya naguba :)

Thanks for reading and for dropping by, DD ;)

And.I.Care.Not.

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kaknidadi2
January 18, 2021 (1 month ago)

nag ka covid na panyera.  move on  and start collecting

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