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Date: January 24, 2019 (2 months ago)


I have a lot of things in my mind. I think I'm currently at a crossroad. I think Ifinallyreached that point in school where I'm questioning if I'm gonna go through with school…

BECAUSE IT IS SO HARD.

H A R D.

It's the kind of hard that makes me want to pull all my hair out. I'm really having a hard time right now that I feel like crying hahaha. I have a lot of people I can talk to about this, but I really know that if I start talking, I'd end up crying, and that's the last thing that I want to do right now. I know my friends will cheer me up, but deep inside, I'm the only one who can fix this. I'm the only one who knows what I really want…

But I don't knowyet.

I know, I know, I love learning… I love learning about law, most especially. But lately, it's just getting really hard, and every day, I'd wake up with fear in my heart. As in legit fear. I start my mornings thinking about how I'd survive this day… or if this is the day when I'd finally snap. (Lol thanks to my parents for always checking up on me. They know how hard school is, and they're afraid that I'm gonna snap… to be honest, I'm kinda scared, too hahaha). I had fear even before I decided to go to law school. I was scared if I'd fit in. I was scared if I could actually do it… And I think I fit in. I think I'm doing okay… but there's still this nagging feeling inside me. There's this gnawing fear inside me that's telling me to stop. Or at least take a break.

It's not healthy. I spend hours every day, dreading and fearing my classes. Actually, I like my professors this sem… They're all nice and I know I have a lot to learn from them, it's just that the subjects just keep on getting harder. And I'm only on my second year! What more in my third year? Or fourth?! I know that as a student, I should rise up to the challenge… but there comes a point where you just want to take a beat, you know? Rest. But there's no room for rest in school. Every day, it's a new test. Every day, there are new concepts to learn and memorize by heart. It's a continuous battle that I need to win…

But what if I'm tired?

I'm lucky because my parents keep on telling me that I don't need to go to law school. I don't need to get thatAtty.before my name. They keep on reminding me that they're already so proud of me… I think I'm the real problem here because I don't know when to stop. I'm very ambitious. I want to be a lawyer. I've been dreaming about this for so long. I never thought I'd be able to get here, but I'm here now…

So, why will I stop? Why now? I worked so hard to get here… why stop?

My thoughts are scattered, I'm aware. I'm just really tired. I want to get this all out.

To you reading this, if you're interested in going to law school, I suggest you think really hard because it's not all rainbows and unicorns. Law school's mostly composed of bad days… and little triumphs. It's a place where you'd get used to getting shouted at, and being okay with it because I guess that's how tough lawyers are formed. And when things getre...

About the Author :

Joined: January 23, 2019 (2 months old)
Writings: 18
Send PM  ·  Female  ·  Offline
Description:
I’m studying law at San Beda University. But when I’m not drowning in piles of books and memorizing jurisprudence, I write stories and blogs.

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Comments
Taurus24
January 24, 2019 (2 months ago)

tama yan, balikan mo yung panahon kung bakit mo nga ba pinili yan. nasa pangalawang taon kana, isipin mo nalang ilang kembot pa at matatapos mo din yan. kaya mo yan, or sabihin nalang nating, na kayanin mo dahil ginusto mo din naman yan sa umpisa palang hehehehehe.

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DuraLexSedLex
January 26, 2019 (2 months ago)

Hehe Ayun nga po ang laging iniisip ko. Kunting hakbang na lang naman. Kakayanin dahil gusto. Salamat po!

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oliverjohnholmes
January 24, 2019 (2 months ago)

As i said, diamonds are formed by having coal undergo extreme heat and pressure. While you are expected to have read everything, you just have to know where to find it. And one last piece of advice from one former law student to another, always remember you live to fight another day.

my skills pay the bills!

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DuraLexSedLex
January 26, 2019 (2 months ago)

HUHU Shooktd feeling but I know naman na for me rin naman yun. Kaya ko po! Hehe

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Bebeko
January 24, 2019 (2 months ago)

I feel you. However, parang walang puwang ang pahinga dyan na tipong kahit sa panaginip ay nagbabasa pa rin. A lawyer friend told me noong student pa siya, “kaya naman kaso magsusunog talaga ng kilay”.  Same with Med students etc etc. Sa prize lahat sila nakatingin but they all felt tired along the way. Good luck at baka sa pagsusulat dito o pagbabasa ay makabawas kahit konti ng nararamdaman mo. Welcome sa FSS.

Good job!

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DuraLexSedLex
January 26, 2019 (2 months ago)

True po. Halos pagbabasa, pagkakabisado at pag iintindi ang gagawin mo. Walang lugar para magkamali. Dapat may dalang bala sa recitation. Mahirap sa totoo lang pero may mga nakapagtapos naman at buhay pa naman sila (kidding!) Kakayanin po. Kailangan lang siguro ng konting pahinga. Salamat!

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mjjhay
January 25, 2019 (2 months ago)

I finished high school when I was 16. College just last year , 27 na ako nun. Pero swerte kasi nakapasa agad sa board. Wag mong hayaang kainin ka ng takot at pressure. Don't let your fear be bigger than your dreams. Take it one day at a time. Mag-pray ka na sana mas maging ok yung bukas, at yung isa pang bukas. Kung kailangan mo ng advice o kausap man lang, andyan naman mga friends mo. Andito rin kami. Although kakaiba yung site na napuntahan natin, mahihingan mo rin naman kami ng matinong payo at opinion. We're just a message and a captcha away.

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DuraLexSedLex
January 26, 2019 (2 months ago)

Alam ko namang walang madali sa una.
Thank you sir! :)

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HardcoreGangbang
January 25, 2019 (2 months ago)

What you are feeling right now is caused by your pursuit of your ambition. And all the innovations that we enjoy right now were created by ambitious people, who have to endure great challenges and pressure to accomplish their goal/s.  Whether you become a lawyer or not, you'll contribute something valuable to society. You just don't know yet what it is, just like every great person at their start. Stay strong and have a happy journey! :)

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DuraLexSedLex
January 26, 2019 (2 months ago)

I'll have that 'Atty' before my name. And yes po 'yon na talaga gusto ko. Huhu Minsan lang talaga kinakain ako ng negative feels and thoughts. Kailangan ko lang siguro maniwala sa sarili kong kaya ko and tatapusin ko. Thank you sir!

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T
tigerwoods
January 28, 2019 (2 months ago)

Alam ko ganyang feeling.. I finished my law school in 7 years. I had to balance work and school. I had to file a leave of absence for one year and so on and so forth..

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