Posted in Blog: English | Categories: Non-Erotic | Tags: past, lost, commitment, promises
It was a year ago when I bravely gave myself to someone I only talked with for a short time.
And in two months, we only meet for a few times. Then, I let him go. Felt like, we just fucked each other. Yeah, I know.
However, I don't want to regret any second that I'm with you. I treasured all the memories and the emotions I felt because I know how genuine it was because I loved you. I hope you really loved me too, at least.
But I can not stay with you if you're already committed to someone else.
That's why I let you go even if I know you'll take with you a big part of me or it was you who will leave a deep scar in my being.
I think it was the latter. I was devastated. I missed you, or its only my memories of us deceiving me?
I miss myself.
I thought I will not enter another kind of relationshit again -- a relationship without label. I thought what we had will be the last lesson and the last kind of pain from dumbness I would allow. I thought I will not let my body be used out of lust.
I promised I will never be stupid again. I promised not to be attached with words and shitty sugarcoated actions of a jerk but then again, I failed.
What's with the "commitment" that most people fear about? Hopeless.
I don't know what to feel anymore. Didn't imagine that I will reach this point of questioni...
Posted in Story: Fiction, Taglish | Categories: Erotic Couplings, Mature, Romance | Tags: erotic sex, Pain, past, ex boyfriend, Reminisce, beshy, mashaket, finale
I’m in my living room waiting for my beshy. Birthday kasi ng isa pa naming beshy and magce-celebrate kami tonight. Habang naghihintay ay nagbabasa ako ng libro at nakikinig ng music, for sure yung 5 minutes ni beshy magiging isang oras yun.
Then this particular song pop out from my playlist and suddenly I remember him. Yes siya na naman, sus if I know you know the feeling the teh wag kang ano jan. We will always have that one person na kahit gaano na katagal ang lumipas maaalala at maaalala natin. And for me, siya yun.
Okay, let me clarify this hindi porket naalala ko siya ay hindi pa ako nakaka move on. Of course naka move na ako noh. Pero may mga sandali talaga na parang tinetesting ka ng panahon. Tulad ngayon…..
It’s Saturday. Start ng weekend, same old routine 9:00am na kami nagising ni Jay. Siya nagluto ng breakfast namin kasi tinatamad pa akong bumangon kanina eh. After namin kumain ay naghugas ng plato si Jay, kasi again - tinatamad ako. Kung pwede lang gusto kong humiga buong araw, ewan baka malapit na akong reglahin.
Jay is trying to cheer me up, di naman ako malungkot hindi lang ako masyadong nagsasalita. He did guess kanina if I am having my menstruation ba daw and I said no. Inaya niya akong manuod ng movie, I said no. Inaya niya akong maglaro ng video games, I said no. Ang ending bumalik ako sa kwarto, kumuha ng libro at humiga sa kama. Naiwan si Jay sa sala baka manunuod ng movie.
Posted in Story: Fiction, Taglish | Categories: First Time | Tags: past