Posted in Blog: English | Categories: Non-Erotic | Tags: past, lost, commitment, promises
It was a year ago when I bravely gave myself to someone I only talked with for a short time.
And in two months, we only meet for a few times. Then, I let him go. Felt like, we just fucked each other. Yeah, I know.
However, I don't want to regret any second that I'm with you. I treasured all the memories and the emotions I felt because I know how genuine it was because I loved you. I hope you really loved me too, at least.
But I can not stay with you if you're already committed to someone else.
That's why I let you go even if I know you'll take with you a big part of me or it was you who will leave a deep scar in my being.
I think it was the latter. I was devastated. I missed you, or its only my memories of us deceiving me?
I miss myself.
I thought I will not enter another kind of relationshit again -- a relationship without label. I thought what we had will be the last lesson and the last kind of pain from dumbness I would allow. I thought I will not let my body be used out of lust.
I promised I will never be stupid again. I promised not to be attached with words and shitty sugarcoated actions of a jerk but then again, I failed.
What's with the "commitment" that most people fear about? Hopeless.
I don't know what to feel anymore. Didn't imagine that I will reach this point of questioni...
Posted in Poem: Tagalog | Categories: Non-Erotic | Tags: moving on, broken, mga tula ni beano, lost
Sadya nga bang nakapagtataka?
Na ang pag-ibig ay nangawala?
Ngunit ang katotohanan ay ganap na,
Pag-ibig sayo'y naglahong parang bula.
Tanungin man ako, di ko alam-
Hindi rin masasagot ng agham;
Hindi matatapos ang iyong agam-agam;
Sa akin nawa'y huwag kang masusuklam.
Oo nung tayo'y nagmamahalan,
Ang sumpa nati'y magpakaylanman.
Ngunit nangyari nga na kita'y iniwan,
Sa hindi ko din malaman na dahilan.
Tangi ko lamang hiling sa twina,
Ako'y maintindihan mo sinta;
Na kung sakali mang tayo'y magkita pa,
Pagkakaibigan nati'y di nasira.
(c) the poem was written by the author under a different name....