Posted in Blog: English | Categories: Non-Erotic | Tags: past, lost, commitment, promises
It was a year ago when I bravely gave myself to someone I only talked with for a short time.
And in two months, we only meet for a few times. Then, I let him go. Felt like, we just fucked each other. Yeah, I know.
However, I don't want to regret any second that I'm with you. I treasured all the memories and the emotions I felt because I know how genuine it was because I loved you. I hope you really loved me too, at least.
But I can not stay with you if you're already committed to someone else.
That's why I let you go even if I know you'll take with you a big part of me or it was you who will leave a deep scar in my being.
I think it was the latter. I was devastated. I missed you, or its only my memories of us deceiving me?
I miss myself.
I thought I will not enter another kind of relationshit again -- a relationship without label. I thought what we had will be the last lesson and the last kind of pain from dumbness I would allow. I thought I will not let my body be used out of lust.
I promised I will never be stupid again. I promised not to be attached with words and shitty sugarcoated actions of a jerk but then again, I failed.
What's with the "commitment" that most people fear about? Hopeless.
I don't know what to feel anymore. Didn't imagine that I will reach this point of questioni...
Posted in Poem: English | Categories: Erotic | Tags: love, commitment
If you are not yet ready and can't be constant with me, go away.
If you can't be crazy with me and I can't make you happy, turn away.
If you can't stand my jealousy, walk away.
If you can't handle me being clingy and doesn't miss me, break away.
If my voice can no longer get your attention, fly away.
If you can't find time for me and think I'm hard to deal with, be away.
If you can't listen to my dreams and dramas in life, run away.
If you don't see me having future with you and building a family, please stay away.
If you can still sleep knowing that I felt bad, move away.
If my tears will be just nothing to you and you can lie straight to my eyes, slip away.
If you can't love me rightly nor see me beyond what your eyes can see, be far far away....