Things I cannot change, Things I guess I have no control

October 1, 2013 (3 years ago)
Posted in Confession: True Story, Tagalog | Categories: Mature, Romance | Tags:

I stumbled upon a video of my GF (who I seriously considering to be my wife,) with her Ex. It was a video of her and his ex during their daughter’s birthday. At that particular moment, I felt so jealous. The feeling was like I caught her on the act of cheating – but of course she’s not, the video was taken way before we were an item.

I know na dapat hindi ako magduda sa GF ko. Mahal ko siya. At alam kong Mahal niya din ako. We’re on our 10th month now. We lived together for the past 7 months; but because of the video, I started to feel and dread something I know that possible mangyari –yung magkabalikan sila ng tatay ng anak niya, for which she was with for almost 11 yrs.

Nakakatakot na variables VS our 10 months with no kid/marriage at all;

Ayokong maging unfair sa kanya by way of questioning her feelings for me. Ayokong I tarnish yung pagmamahal ko sa kanya by asking/entertaining this doubt. But I can’t help it.

In the said video, kitang kita ko kung gaano siya ka sweet as a partner. I’ve seen that before, with us, the only difference is, sa amin ako ang madalad mag initiate ng sweetness, dun sa video – siya. Yung ex hubby niya ang medyo tipong gwapo/suplado effect; in short, siya yung head over heels sa lalake, ako naman sa kanya. I never thought that she can be/was like that. All along I believe siya yung tipo ng babaeng hinabol, inispoil, etc… na siya pala ganun din katulad ko, hindi nga lang para sa akin. Sa min kasi, siya ang boss.

Bigla lang akong napaisip; I have no pic sa phone niya. I was not recognized yet sa FB niya as her BF. Got no video of us together; lahat ng evidence ng pagiging “kami” nasa my side lang. except lang talaga na we live together;

It’s like, as a man, as a BF, no trace of my past na sa kahit na anong paraan on my part. Wala ng pics or numbers or videos etc. pero sa CP niya she still has their old messages; dun nga sa phone nya yung videos; although, sabi niya, kinikeep niya daw yun for their daughter’s sake. Nagloko kasi yung tatay, at gusto niya daw pakita sa anak niya na they were Ok bago nagloko yung tatay niya. Same for the videos, they were for her daughter’s sake;

I understand. But that doesn’t mean I wont feel anything at all.

Nung minsan naglinis ako ng gamit niya, I saw a pic of them together, hugging each other. Siya ang nakayakap. Then nung minsan nasa bahay nila ako, nakakita na naman ako. Parang, hmmmm, nagkalat lang? I also came from a 4yr relationship bago siya. And I must admit, nung nagbubura na ako ng nakaraan, mahirap din sa akin. Kasi treasured moments ko yun eh. But I erased them, for her. I know mahirap basta basta itapon ang 10 taon, but to let me see the texts, the videos and the pics, that’s downright painful. Sa totoo lang.

I just had a realization, na meron palang “sweet-submissive” part sa kanya. Samin kasi, ako ang “under” e. siya yung bossy-queen type. Minsan hindi ko alam kung mali ba yung diskarte ko. Tipong suplado-gwapo yung ex niya. Minsan naiisip ko, hinahanap niya ba sa a... Read More

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