Posted in Blog: English | Categories: Non-Erotic | Tags: love, alcohol, confused, numb, senseless
(Music in the background: Out Of Reach by Gabrielle, Chasing Pavements by Adelle, Stay by Lisa Loeb, I Can’t Make You Love cover by Adelle, Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow, etc., etc.)
I think I have cried my eyes dry. Or so I thought. Lately, I have been feeling numb. I don’t know if it was the intensity of the emotions I feel or maybe I just don’t want to feel anymore so that when I have decided to say my goodbye, I won’t be affected as much. Yes, I am now torn into staying or letting go. And I think I have become attached to alcohol more than I would like to admit. I guess this is good so it will build up my tolerance for alcohol. And yes, it will also block any pain that comes my way.
It’s really heartbreaking to realize that I never truly had his heart as he claimed. Wherein I have come into terms with my past relationships and decided to move on, he hasn’t. And here I thought I was the one who helped him get through his darkest days, as he once told me. Unfortunately, I have come to realize that wasn’t so.
Yes, I love him but do you ever get that feeling that you also want to let go to make him happy? It's a risk I am not sure I am willing to make. Maybe not just yet. But I know you'd all say I should let go and move on.
I really want to talk to the girl. But I don't know if that would be a good idea. I hate her. There, I've said it. I hate her for making him feel this way, for not shutting up when she could have. And she would say that she cannot have a realtionship with him because it's against her beliefs and all that shit. She would not bring it all up just for nothing. Everything's bullshit, just pure bullshi... Read More