Sabik (The Love Letter to Forget)

April 1, 2016 (8 months ago)
Posted in Story: Fiction, Taglish | Categories: Erotic Couplings, Mature, Romance | Tags:

She is a regular liker ng mga post ko sa efbi. That's when I first noticed her. Basta may post ako, almost always, she was the first to like and at some, commenting.

My curiosity was aroused and before I know it, I started following her post, liking and commenting too.

It was a little over three months na ganon ang nangyayari. Until one day, a post of her, got my attention...

Dear My FB Friend,

Nine years ago (or more), I asked my friend to ask you, for your number. She obliged and my life has changed forever.

I betrayed you. I am deeply sorry for falling in love with you while pretending to be a text chum. I promise, that I never had any intent to seduce you or something before or kahit ngayon, I value you so much and never in the world will I ever do that, ever. It is lily white pure.

All of these years, ikaw lang talaga. I have never loved anyone. I went out with some stupid ass but those were mere futile attempts to get you over with.

Wala, walang makapantay sa iyo. LOL Hindi ka naman perfect. You’re not even my ideal man. Pero ewan! Hahahaha!

Hindi ko alam pero, I always end up comparing them to you. It’s not as if I was dreaming that once upon a time, we kind of had a “thing”, alam ko naman kung ano talaga, that we’re just chums. I can’t really explain pero I think in a woman’s life, meron talaga siyang magiging forever love, kahit unrequited.

It doesn’t even matter anymore, basta ganoon lang, may impact yung existence of that certain man in her life, kahit na hindi naman sadya, kahit alam niyang mag kaibigan lang talaga. Pero there is always that person na parang, hinding hindi niya makakalimutan kahit na maka meet na siya ng iba.

You know women, we are grotesquely made, or at least, ako and a few others. At tingin ko, sa akin, ikaw yung ganoon sa buhay ko. The one man, whom I will never ever forget.

We cannot choose whom to love and give our hearts to, or kung sino ang gusto nating isipin. Eh, hindi naman kita talaga iniisip pero hindi ko alam bakit kaya ganoon?

Mahal na mahal kita Renal. You are my first love. Hindi ako lasing at nasisiraan ng bait and not a creep (again!!) True enough, first love never dies.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Ang baduy, pero ganoon talaga. Nakakatawa kasi parang, am I actually doing this? Telling the man whom I am deeply in love with, that I am in love with him all this time, for nine long years?

Ang tagal na rin pala. Parang kailan lang. Kahit na hindi pa talaga tayo nagkasama in real life, I feel like, I know you well. I feel like, we have been friends for a very long time. Because I think, we really are. I am at one of my happiest state when we are talking to each other. Kahit na magkatext lang tayo, Kahit na i-like mo lang o mag-comment ka lang ng generic sa mga post ko, masaya na ako.

I am not a creep!!! The lights, the bright lights, I so love them. Pero, I love them even more after you sent your first pm while I was having dinner sa Cubao.

Ang saya, from then on, kapag nakakakita ako ng mga ilaw, ikaw ang naalala ko. 'Pag nasa Cubao ako, ikaw ang naalala ko. Kahit na meron din naman ako nakasamang ibang mga tao sa same place na yun, ikaw talaga ang naalala ko.

Ang labo naman. I think this is the reason why I always end up with failed relationships. Hindi naman din maganda na I'm in a relationship while I am in love with another man. I am not blaming you. Lahat ng mga ginawa ko sa buhay ko, choice ko yun. I am just saying.

I just want to be normal. Ayoko yung para akong tanga kapag kausap ka. Gusto ko chill lang. If God permits na magkita tayo sa crossroad, how I wish everything will change na. I will not fluster anymore. I can be real; no pretensions. Pero hindi naman pretend like, pretend to be someone else. Yung pretend na kaibigan ang tingin pero mahal pala talaga. Yung ganoon type ng pretention.

I have done everything, beyond imagination just to forget you, I meant, the feeling. If you may have noticed, I keep on pruning you off my list, then add, then prune, among other things that I did. I was kind of trying to figure out the best way. All failed.

I have already accepted that we are not meant to be together and I am not fussed about it, at all. In the next lifetime though, expect me to be more aggressive and persistent, kidding! I am hoping that in the next lifetime, we will either not meet ever, or we'll end up together already, in whatever shape and form, we will be by then. Sana fish, kasi parang ang sarap mag swimming ng may kasama all the time, desperation at its best.

However, seriously, God knows how much I love you and I am happy that I have experienced this kind of love. It made me feel like I am real, that I am a human. It taught me how to accept things that I cannot change and to accept that there are certain things that I can never really do so much about, but just forget and let go.

I am not sure if this is necessary but somebody told me that I need to close the certain chapter of my life na ikaw ang leading man ko sa guni guni ko para matahimik na daw ako.

After nine years, I am taking this process seriously because I am not getting any younger. Wish ko lang, totoo, otherwise mapapatay ko talaga... Read More


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