Otherhood

March 13, 2014 (2 years ago)
Posted in Blog: Tagalog | Categories: Erotic | Tags:

I want the kind of love that allows me to give of myself in ways I didn't know I wanted to give, let alone could. I want to find the parts of me that loving another person brings out. I want to look at my partner in life and feel safe. I want to feel vulnerable and strong when he smiles at me. I want to share a knowing smile across a room with someone who knows me that well. Researchers say there are 19 ways to smile, and I'm concerned I'll never know them all because I've never smiled at him.

I want the rhythm of the push and pull of a relationship. I want to pick up his prescriptions and his favorite coffee beans. I want him to text me our one-word, inside joke. I want him to refill my glass without asking. I want to be annoyed that he forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. I want him to take my love for granted. I want the downs to grow from, so I have the ups to appreciate.

Do I romanticize love? Yes. But shouldn't love be romantic?

I don't mean red-roses-and-caleche-rides-in-the-park kind of romantic or candy-on-Valentine's-Day romantic or fairy-tale-wedding romantic. I want the romance of everyday love that comes with bumps and bruises and unexpected surprises. I want to think about him when he's not with me. I want to think I see him walking up the street, realizing immediately he's out of town or on the other side of town, knowing it's my subconscious simply missing him.

I want to wake up at 3:00 AM and see him there lying next to me... I've left a place for him in my bed, you know. Years ago, I purchased a queen-size bed, but I've never slept on "his" side. I'm leaving space for him to come into my life. Sleeping on his side makes me feel as if I'm giving up on him ever showing up. Sometimes I think about how I'll never lie in that bed with my man, our legs crossed over each other under the sheets, and talk about how many children we want together. And I'll probably never be able to surprise someone with the news that the first is on its way. Once in a while, I look over at the empty side of the bed. Just be there tonight, I plead to no one. It's sometimes devastating to be so alone.... Read More

About the Author :

Joined: March 7, 2014 (2 years old)
Writings: 55

Send PM · Female · Offline

a work in progress...in the process of finding the right path
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