On Past Loves

December 18, 2015 (11 months ago)
Posted in Blog: Taglish | Categories: Non-Erotic | Tags:

Upon the prodding of a.bit.innocent. i republish these:

there was Trina...third year christmas party...record setting for BXC (125 girls for a class of thirty six)...she crashed our party...i knew her friend Diat...and she introduced us to one another...i asked her to dance she said she doesn't dance...so instead i offered her something to drink...and we ended up in the kitchen talking...until she had to leave...with Diat (with her knowing smile)...i didn't ask for her number, this time it would be different (i thought to myself)...i was tired of the soiree types of exchanging numbers and fizzling out...so i let a week pass...Diat called me and asked how come i haven't done anything...even offered her number to me...i said thank you but i'll do it my way...so a week after i first met her i called her up...she was surprised how i got her number...i said your last name isn't too popular, actually your house is the third one i called...i even quipped that our phone may be charged long distance already (she lived in Antipolo and I was in Cubao)...and we laughed...that was the start...

Monday the following, i called her around 530pm, she just came in...i just wanted to share a joke with her...five minute call...after a couple of days, same time i called another joke...then again a couple of days later...after a month...i was calling her everyday...five minutes turned to ten...turned to half an hour...there were no jokes anymore...how was school...how she was...we kept talking...soirees she went to....her activities...hopes and dreams...teenage angst...her family...if she went out i would know...she'd tell me...and i would too...we even went out on a group date...and we went to a movie at sm north edsa...there i met her mom...first gosebumps i have ever had...afterwards we talked and her mom asked about me...first time she ever asked about any of the boys she introduced...

Summer came...my cousins and i got this bright idea of getting summer jobs selling hotdogs for purefoods at the grotto...my uncle was BM of northern luzon then....and we wanted to earn some money and at the same time have a freebie vacation...she turned cold...we had our first fight then...talk was running around that i liked her...she shied away...and she didn't want to speak to me...finally we got to talk...i told her i did...i liked her...but we have a good thing going....i was afraid i would lose her so i'd rather have my best friend...she said i was the closest guy she has ever been with emotionally...and we understood one another...and it was okay...(cellphones weren't in use then)...i called her on her birthday from baguio...she said when will i be back...i said soon...

and senior year came in...she had a flurry of activities and i had my own too...but we still talked...not as frequently as before...no break of more than a couple of days...i still remember doing my english book report while on the phone..i helped her with trig...and we talked...even on school nights..i remember getting up at 12 am to call her and we'd talk til five am...high school dance and fairs....she came to my school and i visited theirs...but the thing was it was awkward being together...i was wary of how it would look with her..and she was too...i mean i am no looker but she was very beautiful...classic beauty and the beast...grad pictures and holidays...she came to our class parties (we had one almost every other weekend)...we were in high school and having the time of our lives...

late february, i called her one evening...she noticed the rather forlorn tone of my voice...

"JM what's wrong?"
"Nothing...just a few things in school...". silence
"What's wrong? can't you tell me? is there anything I can do?"
"well, the class opted out of the grad ball...we'll have a grad dinner instead at Nikki's place, catered and with a mobile...so in order to make it work all of us agreed to bring dates...."
"and..."
"it's a problem only you can solve..."
"how..."
"can you be my date for that night?"
"uhmmm...how... my mom doesn't approve of that...and what would i wear? and..."
"trina...do you want to be with me that night?"
"yes.."
"then it's done...everything else are details..."

that fateful march night...i was jumping to a different step...i didn't tell any of the guys...paid up the damage (500 bucks each was a lot of money then...)bought my grad dinner outfit...got her a white rose instead of those corsages...i called her that afternoon...

"trina, how are you?"
"my mom and i got into a fight about this grad dinner thing..."
"okay...better play it safe...it'll be alright..."
"i am sorry..."

well i had a car...and one of my classmates needed one...aileen (job's date, also trina's best friend) was to be picked up at jasmin's place in white plains...so i drove (we usually did that, i remember driving for one of my classmates to the St. Scho Grad Ball...while waiting we were drinking at ESL on Jupiter in our Ateneo jackets...hahahaha...preening at its best...) dressed up and all...as we walked up to the driveway...guess who greeted me...trina...she had puffy eyes and a bit harried looking...but she was there...

"what are you doing here..."
" here to solve your problem..."
"you didn't have to...i mean aren't you going to get into more trouble with this?"
"shhh..details...is that rose for me?"

it was a magical night...we had dinner...everyone was surprised...they didn't know how trina and i got to this point...remember the one you'd bring to occassions like these are real special ones or else you're a loser if you bring a relative...the guys sort of flocked to our table...and she just smiled and i shooed them away...even though we had a mobile then...we all wanted to go out and hit the town...we all agreed to meet at Mars on Pasay Road (okay okay, I know this is ancient history) so the four of us (aileen, job trina and me) got in my father's car and drove there...as we went in had a joke which really made her laugh...i had play money and tried to pass it off (big money i called them)...at mars the music was loud and we could barely hear each other...i asked her if she wanted to step out...she nodded her head...i placed my hand on the small of her back and guided her out of the loud music hall...in the crisp evening i looked into her eyes...

"thank you..."
"no, thank you..."

i took her hand and walked to the road...she didn't take her hand back...we were window shopping along pasay road...we headed back....job and aileen were there, a bit worried of what happened to us...i was still holding her hand in full view of them...and when aileen looked at us i gently released my grip...and she looked to me as she let go...i took her to aileen's place...she was sleeping over...

"thank you again trina..."
"thank you too"...and she kissed me on the cheek...and she smiled..."call you when i get home.."

when i got back to the grad dinner...everyone was telling me i had this real stupid smile...and surprised that i wasn't drinking...like i wasn't there...and got the bantering reserved for those who didn't share the good tidings one had...

summer...she found out she got into the CS program of UP Diliman...and for me my status was pending, i thought i was dead in the water...she knew i wanted to get into UP...she was dead set on it too...all her sisters went to UP...as for me all my cousins were there...until the pending status was erased and finally i got into the BE program (the honors hybrid course of the School of Economics and Business Administration)...we laid out plans with the registration...i got as much info from my cousins and she got hers from her elder sisters...so we agreed to meet up and confirm our acceptance together...we met up at the AS steps...i saw her...she was wearing floral pants....(i think ladies who can carry that really know how to be a girl...one of the earmarks i look for until now...being a girly girl) she submitted her forms and so did I at the registrar's...i accompanied her to the Eng'g building (she got a lot of looks from the locals there)...i shielded best I can...and when we went to the Econ bldg...she was eyeing me ogling at the fine women there...we ate the famous fishballs while waiting for her sister...gazed at the sunken garden...laughed...then i met her sister...

"so you're JM..."
" i hope you heard nothing good..."
"i guess i'll be seeing you around..."

Since we were blocked sections as freshman...enlistment was a breeze...I had other friends who were also in UP...they met her too...the closeness we had now was much more evident...we were on our own...no prying eyes to see how we were....but my schedule was much better...continuous classes from 830 to 1130, then 1 to 215 everyday...she on the other hand had a class from 7 am to 1130...then free in the afternoons...we still talked everyday...even while just watching TV...

"so what time do i see you tomorrow? i'll just drop by before your last class..."
"no...meet me at 7:00am at CASAA.."
"uhmmm...i don't have class til 10..."
"basta i want to see you before i go to class..."
"trina...i know it's your sister's birthday...how many drinks have you had..."
"none...that is what i want...". and she hung up.
The next morning...I was there at 7am...i came up to her while she was reading...
"you're late..."
"i am here at 7:00..."
"well if you aren't here when i am then you're late.."
"is this PMS or something?"
"no, just wanting to spend time with you as much as i can..."
thought balloon...am i hearing what i was hearing?
"so what do i do while waiting for you in class..."
"wait for me outside..."

she was in the same class as my classmate eric...who she found cute...she had crushes still...and i was keen on meeting other people...my thoughts were racing how would eric react to me waiting for her outside their class? and why the sudden neediness?

"oh pare...what you doing here?"
"eric...waiting for trina...classmate mo..."
"ah oo nga...so, what is to with the two of you?"
she smiled, and i just scratched my head...
"basta pare, tabihan mo na lang...hayaan mo sya mag notes..."

same thing with the next class...i waited outside by the corridor on the first floor...my class was at the fourth...when she ended her second class...we walked up to her next class on the third floor...

"i'll pick you up from class..."
"okay"

class was Asian Civilization...the fourth floor of the AS was much different then...they had these barriers which you can climb into and sit facing the parking lot...much sunnier and airy (unlike now which is like a box with windows)...she was seated there when i classes ended...her classes ended early daw...

"you want to go see a movie? jesette's class is til 530?"
"i still have class..."
"please...."
"well it's the first time to cut class anyways..."
"let's watch pretty woman..."
"uhmmm okay...". i had watched it already with someone else...

We watched it at SM North...we took her sister's car...i offered to drive but she said it was her sister's car...so off we went and we were able to get there and catch the movie as it was scheduled...got popcorn and drinks...in the middle of the movie, she looked over to me...

"how come you know the dialogue?"
"i watched this movie beforehand..."
"with who?"
"my blockmates...."

everything changed from then on...she didn't ask me to be there at 700 anymore...or sometimes when i call there'd be some excuse not to talk to me...or if we did talk there wasn't warmth in that anymore...sometimes she'd be peeved...or if i did pass by her class she'd say hi and be on her way...until that earthquake of July 16...i was at the UP gym then shooting hoops...and then i saw the backboard start shaking...and as i gazed out to the parking lot car alarms were going off...and they were rolling to and fro...and i thought of her...as soon as the ground started shaking i literally ran from the UP gym to the AS...i was looking for her...i found her...she was just walking out of FC...we stood there...everything seemed to be in slow motion...

"are you okay..."
"yes..a little shaken though...and you?"
"i came looking for you as fast as i could..."
"i was looking for you too..."

we talked that night...i told her i missed her...all i got was silence...asked if i could see her early in the morning...up to me...and the next day i did...but it wasn't as light and as happy as it were before...and the late night calls became less and less frequent...i even tried the joke thing before...but it was bland...then one afternoon as we were waiting for her sister...i asked her...

"what's happening?"
"what do you mean?"
"i have been lying to you...and i can't lie anymore..."
puzzled look
"remember that summer before i went up to Baguio...that issue about me liking you..."
"yes..."
"you have everything that i have been dreaming of...and i took the coward's way out then...because i know i may fail you...but i never did stop liking you...and it grew within me...and now i know i love you..."
silence...
"these past few weeks...i knew that i was lying to you...because i can't just be your friend...not with the way i feel...i know that for sure..."
"people have been asking me...my family...your friends...my friends...my sister's friends...they are asking what we are...i answered we are friends...and from that i knew that i wanted to grow...to explore..."
silence
"and these past few weeks i have been exploring the world out there...and i knew i have to grow...you know, with all that we've been through...who you are to me is too much for me to handle...that i won't be able to grow with you...with how you think and your personality...and now with what you ask...i can't...it is just too much for me..."
silence...
silence...
"i guess it is time for me to take you to your car...your sister might be waiting already..."

we didn't talk for a while...i avoided going to the places where she frequents...one time in CASAA i saw her from afar...but i turned another way...i felt lost...i didn't know what to do...so i turned to join an org in Econ (OBEM)...played pusoy dos and giant pusoy dos (two deck of cards played together)...i even got into the habit of once i miss a class in the morning i spent the whole day tambay...i met new people...and went back to my roots...my class mates in high school...hit the weights again and shot hoops...we got into that scavenger hunt...and i went out...and school...i was winging it...i was living the high life...

one afternoon as i was coming down from AS...she was coming up, she had her head down...she looked bedraggled and tired...sunken eyes...

"trina..."
"uhhh...you startled me..."
"how are you...i mean what's happening to you..."
"JM please...try to keep it down..."
"why are you so paranoid...what is wrong?"
"i can't talk to you about it..."
"okay i'll wait for you..."

so after class we talked...she had joined a sorority...her mother was a deltan...so were her elder sisters...i told her isn't it against the rules for a freshman to join...but it is where we are now...

"so how can I help..."
"firstly, i need your absolute silence on this..."
"check"
"i don't know what else..."
"okay...if you need to research something tell me...if i have to attend your classes just advise me...you know where my classes are so just leave a note...or leave a note at Econ...or call me...you still have my number right?"
"yes...and thank you..."
"no, thank you..."

Until she finally became a Deltan...but as neophyte I helped her out...did her research...tried everything I could even to bring her lunch...people were asking again why the sudden change in my activities...I was attending classes again...and i was doing the work of two...all i could answer was out of love...when aher neo days were over I walked up to her as she was still preening from induction...i congratulated her...and i walked away...that was the lantern parade that year...

well, we tried to be friends again...we even went out...she walked up to my class when school resumed...

"you have anything to do thursday night?"
"no plans...depends on what happens...what's up?"
"can you accompany me watch this play?"
"why, did anyone back out..."
"no...i wanted to watch it with you..."
"okay...so where do we meet...i have class til 315 and the play is not untill 6pm..."
"let's meet at CASAA at five..i have things to do at the Home..."
"okay..."

"you hungry?"
"just a drink for me at the fountain..."
"you sure? can i smoke before we go in?
"since when did you start smoking..."
"me...i just got it...do you mind?"
"upto you...but i want to warn you of your asthma..."

and we watched the play...it was the adaptation of the Travellers...it was in deep filipino...so every now and then she'd ask me what the words were...at intermission... Read More

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