Posted in Confession: True Story, Taglish | Categories: Toys and Masturbation | Tags: life's shit
Whenever I am really broken I tend to do weird things, random things I wouldn't normally do when my heart is in good hands.
Ten years ago, the guy I was with for four years broke my heart when he sent me a simple text saying, "Sorry, may kasalanan ako sa 'yo." My instinctive reply was, "Ilang months na ang tiyan nya?" And his text came back with, "Manganganak na sya sa December." That was September and I was away on a job overseas.
Masakit. But then I knew, we both knew that was coming. It was just a matter of time. We were not meant to be together from the start anyway.
But with that heartache came a major turnaround in my life, I started to hate men. Hated them to the point that I allowed myself to have a relationship with a woman. Yes, I was with a woman, in her arms, in her bed for more than a year or two until I decided to go back home.
Did I love her? I thought I did but looking back, I know I didn't. I was just really pissed off with men in general that I wanted them out of my skin, for a while and was also curious how it was to have sex with a woman. Sex-wise, I could say we had our moments of wild dry-humping that led to a couple of mind-blowing release.
But oh well, nothing compares to making love with a guy, that I can assure you. So guys out there, don't start raising those dark eyebrows. You still have the upperhand as far as bed issues are concerned.
Then four years ago I fell in love again. Hindi na natuto eh noh? What could I do? The hopeless romantic in me kicked in when I met one of our executives. But what we had was a long distance relationship. He was somewhere in Miami and I was in Cebu, but despite that distance I fell for him, head over heels. Nothing sexual had happened though, not even a single SOP but I was so into him I was already daydreaming of days being with him, in his bed.
Yeah yeah, I know what's on your mind right now. Kelan pa nagkaroon ng puso ang keyboard at ang keypad? But just like any other virtual relationship, ours blossomed into something deeper and I thought sya na nga until one fine day after almost a year of being "together", he sent me a text saying, "I'm sorry. It's over. Please don't try to contact me again."
We were okay a week before that. There was no fight, no disagreements. And no explanation whatsoever as to why he decided to end us. Just that one text which he sent me a day before my birthday.
How fucked up was that? I think that was how I began to hate the words "I'm sorry."
So I was in a deep emotional shit again. Unanswered emails, rejected calls, unreplied text messages. My grief went on for days, weeks, months until one day I told myself enough was enough. I started browsing the internet for some porn sites or any chat site, anything that would just take my mind off my nagging heartache.
And I found this chat site where chatrooms were categorized according to the age group. So in I went into the 40-something chatroom.
In there I collected a handful of chatmates, all of them guys, from different parts of the world. Parang naging international entertainer ako that time. And well, knowing guys, you could expect topics like sex and sex and endless sex and I was intent on falling out of my heartache that I entertained a few of them.
I was so focused on numbing the pain of being dumped and with that I unleashed the wild side of me. It wasn't easy at first, who said showing one's pussy on cam was, but I finally did it after a couple of attempts.
My baptismal was with a 38-yr old Canadian, never saw his face as he never saw mine. It was awkward, seeing him in his tights sitting on the floor with his bulge so evident. I was naive and it was also his first time. We were like first time explorers, eager to see what lies ahead.
I was not new to masturbation but I hadn't done it with someone watching, let alone someone I met online. But the excitement of doing it for the first time took over me. I was horny as hell as I am now while I am writing this confession :D
So he started rubbing his cock which was still inside his tights and I also started rubbing my mound and pinching my nipple. That went on for a couple of minutes until I couldn't hold it any longer, I put my hand inside my panty and played with my wet pussy. He asked me to remove my panty and roll up my shirt so he could see my tits which I willingly obliged. He then took off his tights and his shirt and started stroking his erect penis.
What made me even hornier was seeing myself on camera. I was rubbing my clit slowly up and down at the same time doing circular motions on my nipples, one at a time. Shit! The burning sensation in my belly was too much I had my orgasm even before his semen spurted out of his cock. I came first, but luckily, he came a few seconds later.
We laughed after that and promised we would do it again, which unfortunately we never did. He told me a few weeks later that he got embarrased thinking about what we did which was kinda lame. But I just accepted his explanation without question. I had enough stock of men anyway.
Then my next conquest was a 40-year old guy from Texas. That was the first time I saw an uncircumcised cock. With him there was already face recognition. And with him I practically got addicted to sex on camera. We did it almost everyday, during my mornings after my roommate leaves for work.
I normally report for work past 10 in the morning and my roommate clocks in at eight which meant I had almost two hours for my dark obssesion.
With this new guy my performance had leveled up to doing a striptease before lying on my bed and spreading my legs for him to get a full view of my inner soul, naked as I was. I had done a lot of things pleasuring myself, sans any gadget. I was satisfied with my ever loyal fingers and ogling at my own image on the camera. I don't know why but even up to these days I still get hornier whenever I see myself doing erotic wonders to my own body. Weird maybe....
Unfortunately we had a falling out after almost three weeks. That ended my daily view of his uncut penis. But that didn't put an end to my lustful days in front of my laptop. One after the other, the men came and went.
Then one day I found myself browsing the internet again and found anothe... Read More