February 24, 2015 (3 years ago)
Posted in Blog: Taglish | Categories: Non-Erotic | Tags:

I’ve been thinking over what to write the past days. Valentine’s day was a busy day at work like always and I ended up in bed after. It was like the best thing to do that day. Anyway, this isn’t about Vday anymore, this is about me sharing my thoughts with whoever would bother reading this post 

By now, I think you all know am single and not committed to anyone except sa sarili ko. If I am happy?Seriously,believe it or not, I am. For the last couple of years I’ve never been into a serious relationship after the last failed one. I think it takes a lot of courage to be comfortable to the kind of life that I am into right now. My friends in my ‘real world’ are all happily married, they have kids and a good job, and I don’t get to see them often like before but I don’t mind. I used to be bothered by it when I was younger, like nag asawa lang,wala ng time sa akin.But then it made me think that they are leading a different life now, we are not in the same path,they will not understand if I tell them am in an endless search of a ‘krass’ or prolly me being in this site. I’ve learned to let go of them graciously and hoping one day I will be in the same path as theirs but no pressure now in my part.

The most difficult part actually is when loneliness creeps in. You know the feeling na asan na ba yung lalaki for me? I am not pangit naman, di nga lang sexy,am not bobo naman ata..that sort of thinking which I know many can relate. And you wallow with that loneliness while you stare at the ceiling or you are hugging your pillows crying. When I am at that state I look for something to distract me,though I do alow myself to cry but sometimes you know napapagod din. Maybe because for so many years now I’ve come to find ways to detach myself.

So how does a fortysomething single woman survive in her day to day mundane affairs..It’s loving the solitude that makes me feel better. That makes me appreciate my own existence in this world. I lead a very ordinary life and live in a quiet and peaceful city, if you know where am from you prolly would raised an eyebrow ahaha but it is true. On my way to work, I like looking up the sky and just enjoy the view or the pedestrians or even my driver, you know look at him and pray that I will be delivered in my office mabango abd buo ahaha. I do the grocery on my own, I like doing it in the evenings where I can browse each section and discover new products and then I go overboard with my budget and my list. I go to church and hear mass oftentimes alone and treat myself to an ice cream or a new pair of shoes or a book depends on how much money is left from my salary. I jog or brisk walk or dance to keep myself occupied or go malling para malibang.

When am tired after a long stressful day, I treat myself to a cup of my favourite tea or listen to music. Sometimes I lay awake and think about my life and then loneliness creeps in,sometimes I cry, sometimes I just lay there til sleep comes. I stay in the chat room and even there I have time to be on my own, sometimes I just read the conversations and laugh at the jokes and the exchanges of ideas and am fine with it.

It’s not really bad to be on your own. It helps you to know yourself better. It gives you a better perspective about life. You are more sensitive about others feelings knowi... Read More

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Joined: March 23, 2014 (4 years old)
Writings: 30

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“I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman!”
― C. JoyBell C.
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