Knowing when to walk away...

April 2, 2014 (4 years ago)
Posted in Blog: Tagalog | Categories: Erotic | Tags:

You deserve that. And I do too.

A weird thing happened when you left. Between the loneliness, and the anger, and the tears, and the bitterness, and the wine, and the Ben and Jerry’s, and the whimpers, and the fits, and the all out, no shit, batshit crazy, there was fear. I was terrified. Somehow, I knew in my heart that you were done. I knew that we were over. Knew that there was no saving grace or second, or third, or ninth attempt at us working; we were finished. But I was afraid of moving on. I was scared of letting you go, worried that the moment I finally got over you would be the moment that you’d change your mind and come walking back through my door. I didn’t want to move past you, didn’t want to forget you. It’s hard to put into words, this self-inflicted torture I was doing to myself. I didn’t want to move on — loving you, albeit unrequited, was a connection to you. Moving on meant that it really was over.

I Lost My Mind For A Little Bit,

Between the lack of the sleep and the overindulgence of alcohol, I fell off the deep end for awhile. I didn’t eat enough, I cried more than anyone really should, and I admittedly dabbled in self-medication. I was, for lack of better words, a mess.

I’m Okay Now

A strange thing happened one day. I woke up and went about my everyday routine. I didn’t cry. I didn’t ache. I wasn’t lonesome. I enjoyed my normal activities, I was productive, and I smiled for the first time in a long time. I realized that I no longer missed you. I no longer yearned for you. I no longer even wanted you. I was finally independent, finally free, and finally…happy. I was on my own and I was happy. I didn’t need you anymore. I don’t need you anymore. The empty feeling is gone. Instead, I feel content. I make my own decisions. I do what I want — what I choose to do. The hatred, the anger, the self-loathing, it’s no longer present. I was exhausted from carrying around the resentment…and so I stopped. I let you go. I no longer hate you... Read More

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Joined: April 2, 2014 (4 years old)
Writings: 3

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