I Didn't Mean To Make You Mine

October 15, 2014 (3 years ago)
Posted in Blog: Taglish | Categories: Non-Erotic | Tags: ,

Honey, there are a lot of things I wanted to tell you but let me start by telling you how much I love you. I know it is crazy feeling this deep for you. I do not even know your name or even see your face but I love you, I really do.

A thousand times I asked why I allowed myself to fall for you. I tried hard not feel anything for you but guess I can’t control this foolish heart of mine.

Now, all I want to do is to love you though I know our days are numbered. Soon you will have to leave. There are so many things I wanted to do and to give up for you even though I am anxious. I know it is silly how much I yearn for you.

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad you can't sleep at night?

If I can only sing that every minute of every day because that is exactly what I feel but I don’t know if I still can because so many times I just break down and cry. Many sleepless nights I wonder if you will still care for me the way you did before.

We had the right love at the wrong time
Guess I always knew inside I wouldn't have you for a long time

Those dreams of yours are shining on distant shores
And if they're calling you away I have no right to make you stay

But somewhere down the road our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter when

Letting go is just another way to say
I'll always love you so

Guess that song says it all. 

When we were still “friends”, it is like every day you tell me “Di ko alam bat ang gaan ng loob ko sayo”. At first, I thought, maybe because I made you laugh with my stupid stories. But it honestly also gives me that feeling of happiness and contentment.

When you first said “I love you”, I pretended I did not hear you, no matter how many times you repeated the words. I know I feel the same way but it is just so wrong. But after a few days/weeks, my faith has been shaken; I could not anymore control my heart and eventually gave in to what I feel for you.

So many times I tried to let go from this relationship because it hurts. So many times I wish that my feelings for you will magically disappear. I know the longer I stay, the more it will be painful. But the thought alone brings tears to my eyes. I never found the courage to tell you because I do not want to leave and because a single “hi” from you changes everything and merely because I love you soo much!

But a lot of things have now changed(or am I just too paranoid to think things have changed?). Is it a sign that your feelings for me have changed too?  I know you have your own reasons and I respect them. But were you just forced to stay because you know I could not bear to see you leave? I know you still tell me you love me, but is it just to make me feel ok? Why did you let me fall for you when you will just leave?

I know you hate reading this from me but I am just bothered from everything that has happened with us lately and this is my only way to express what I feel. And now you know how hard I have fallen for you.

Don't give me a second chance
It'll be the same
You will be the consequence
And I will have the pain

You are something else I have
I have to survive
That is why I say
With tears in my eyes

I wish I never opened up my heart
I didn't mean to love you baby
I wish I never let it get this far
I didn't mean to love you baby

If I could have a single wish
I'd turn back time
I didn't mean to make you
I didn't mean to make you mine

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About the Author :

Joined: July 26, 2014 (3 years old)
Writings: 1

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