Feeling so broken and so down......

July 9, 2014 (3 years ago)
Posted in Blog: Tagalog | Categories: Non-Erotic | Tags:

Life is unfair, especially to me. I have been suffering a lot, I think. My parents didn't want this, neither my choice. I know that life is a gift from God; but of all people, bakit ako pa ang nagkaroon ng kakulangan na ito, or should I say kapansanan na ito. People say that i am smart, sweet, loving, fun to be with, etc etc. Lagi nilang sinasabi na napakamasayahin ko. According to them, i can see thee goodness in everything and from everyone but they do not know that i am hurting everyday, suffering everyday. I am too broken inside, di ko lang pinapahalata. 

Di ko naman kasalanan na naging ganito ako. Sino bang may gustong maging ganito? Feeling ko lahat ng failures that happened to me is because of this. Feeling ko kung iisa isahin ko lahat ng yon, mauubos ang araw ko. But i'll cite some examples. At my previous job, we were asked to make presentation about something and then discuss it. I am so sure that i did well, far better than my colleagues since i very well know every core, all the aspects of that thing. But because i am this, i was not picked for the job promotion. During my school days, i only got average scores for the reporting. Why? Because of the same reason. 

Then kapag may mga nakakasalubong akong rude people, todo todo manlait, ipaparinig talaga sa iyo. Bullshit di ba? I always tell myself, im used to it na. Sanay na ako. Pero akala ko lang yun, hindi pa pala. All these years, di pa rin ako immune sa pain, sa panliliit.Masakit pa rin, sobra. Pls, hindi ko ito ginusto. I have speech deficiency, may hairlip ako, in short, ngongo ako. Inborn ito, inoperahan lang.

Sabi nila count your blessings daw. But im so tired of all this shit, im so pissed off of all those rude people. I am so tired and i do want to give up of this fate. It's so hard to think of all the blessings i have received in times like this. Di ko alam saan at sino susulungan ko. Sorry kung dito ako nag-eemo or nagvevent ngayon. Ayoko namang kaawaan niyo ako. Gusto ko lang mailabas itong pain na ito, punong puno at down na down ako at this moment.

Gustong gusto kong pumunta sa EB dito pero afraid at shy ako. Though friendly... Read More

About the Author :

Joined: July 9, 2014 (3 years old)
Writings: 1

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Forget the bad, and focus on the good.
Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't.
Life is too short to be anything but HAPPY.
Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living. :)
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