Posted in Blog: Taglish | Categories: Non-Erotic | Tags: moving on, lostsoul, realities
Just like any normal girl, I grew up reading fairytales. Blame it on Disney, I even had the chance to watch these fairytales come to life on the big screen. I've watched every single one of them. But unlike most girls, deep down inside I knew that these are all make-believe. Alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi totoo ang happily ever after. Kinukwestyon ko kung meron nga ba talagang prince charming. In short, hindi ako naniniwala na masaya ang buhay.
Yes I didn't have an easy childhood. Coming from a broken family with me being an only child, maaga akong namulat sa katotohanan na hindi laging may happy ending. Na hindi lagi ang prinsesa at ang prinsipe ang nagkakatuluyan sa huli. What a fucked up childhood right? But the bitterness of life didn't stop me to dream. Hindi ko man aminin, deep down I am still hoping and praying that God will give me my own fairytale.
Then somebody came. Akala ko sya na yung prince charming ko. And just like the fairytales I came to know, I was swept off my feet. I gave him everything. To the point that nothing was left of me. It took me a while to realize that my happily ever after is not happening with him. In the end, self preservation saved me from this relationship. But even after this, I didn't stop to believe that my fairytale will soon come true.
After a couple of years, I met another guy. Maybe it's that part of me that always longs for a loving relationship that makes me vulnerable. Kahit na alam ko that this guy will surely pull me into another self-destruct kind of relationship, hindi ako nagpapigil. Just like the princesses on my favorite fairytales, I never listened to the warnings.
You see, when I'm inlove, I seldom use my brain. Most of the time, puro puso ang pinaiiral ko. I guess I am always looking for that sense of belonging. So when I thought na at this point of my life eh I'm wiser na, I was proven wrong. After all that I've been through, akala ko natuto na ko; hindi pa pala.
Sa paningin ng iba, I have a perfect and a happy family. Just like what we see in fairytales diba. But what the authors failed to write, and what Disney haven't showed us, is the other part of the story. Yung parte ng istorya kung saan mas lamang ang hirap sa sarap. Yung bahagi kung saan mas madaming pasakit na tinitiis ang prinsesa sa piling ng "prince charming" nya. Yung bahagi ng storya kung saan gustuhin man ng prinsesa na iwan ang prince charming nya, hindi nya na magawa dahil may mga anak sila. That part where the princess cries herself to sleep kasi wala na syang magawa para iahon ang sarili nya sa self-destructing life na meron sya.
And just when I am about to give up on my own fairytale, yet another someone came. For one more time, I fell hard. Pero dahil meron na akong "prince charming", we had to part ways. Sa lahat, dito ako nasaktan ng sobra. I don't know why pero when I had to let him go, I finally accepted the fact that I will never have my happily ever after. I have accepted my fate na this life will be my forever. It's not happy but it's the only one I have left. I am broken I know, but atleast I h... Read More