Posted in Blog: Tagalog | Categories: Non-Erotic | Tags: Blog
July 29, 1997. This is the day that I will never ever forget for the rest of my life.
That’s 18 damn years and I was 14 then. 18 years of agony, pain, grief and sorrows incline within my soul. It was a 4am calm early morning breeze and I am still in bed when I heard a screeching sound of a bus in sudden stop. I was wondering who it was since I know for sure that we won’t have any visitor at that early point of time.
By the way, I am pretty much sure that whoever it was who alight the bus; he/she will be going to our house since our house is situated in a nearly isolated area wherein the nearest neighbor is at distance more or less 300 meters away. I am still trying to have some sleep since I still haven’t slept that night for nothing. I really don’t know why I haven’t got my sleep that night. I was in bed the whole night since I felt that I am not in the mood to hang out with my group and have our usual night routine of bottles of Gilbey’s Gin matched with egg soup in calamansi juice.
I thought that it was just an aftershock of the rigorous training for the upcoming Battle of Mathematics student that I had that morning prior to that night. I felt that I am too exhausted since I am on training mode that time for Provincial Damath meet as well as for the Division Battle of the Mathematician where I had the privilege of representing our school. I never thought that this would be the saddest day of my life.
What I heard from my uncle’s whisper to my grandmother would change me from being the black sheep of the family into a weak and nobody person I am now. What my uncle says still clings in to my head. It never fades. I still remember all those words from his intro up to the most devastating words any child could hear.
The moment my grandmother open the door and my uncle comes in, he ask my grandmother where I am. Nanay told him he’s still in bed maybe still sleeping. The moment I heard it, I felt strange inside my chest. Never did I felt that strange feeling before. Negative thoughts suddenly fill my head. I almost burst out being in an unwanted territory. After Nanay replied, long silence came. Both Nanay and Tito would not want to speak.
Until I heard, a disturbing sobs from Tito. Knowing Tito, a hard hearted man, it must be something difficult to speak out to Nanay what he intended to say. Tito who usually on his high tone, that particular morning and other his sobs he said to my grandmother, si ate pertaining to my mother, wala na. Patay na. It was a shocking revelation I really don’t want to learn nor hear. I never thought that it was coming so sudden. And never did I think that what my mother told me would happen to her. She always says that in our family neither eldest son nor daughter survive 40. And she was at her 39.
It was indeed the most devastating news of my childhood. I lost my mother at my early age. I lost a friend who guides me in every way she can. I lost someone who understands me as me. I lost someone who never fades her love, devotion, and faith that I could be a better person someday. I lost someone who doesn’t pretend that I am good when I do badly. I lost it in just a blink of an eye.
What hurts me more is that she died without me by her side. I never had the opportunity to tell her how I am so sorry being an asshole and black sheep of the family. That I am very sorry for all the troubles I had brought within the family. That I am so fool to spend my childhood being a scumbag and hoodlum of the neighborhood.
It was 18 years ago. 18 years of pain, misery, and agony. I still miss the moment when I a... Read More